


We're on fire now

by LucyStarkid



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bathtime orgasms, Blow Jobs, Canon compliant with some artistic licence, Don't mess with Jay and Anne, Fun at the zoo, Gemma is smart and supportive, Harry loves to kiss Louis all over, Liam has a puppy and is a puppy, Lots of soul-searching, M/M, Piano playing Louis causes me pain, Rainbows are important, Rimming, Shower Sex, Simon is not totally canon, Slow Build, Supportive fans, Their love is a constant, Things would be easier if they just talked to each other!, they kind of share that really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:08:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyStarkid/pseuds/LucyStarkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry loves Louis. Louis loves Harry. Fantastic, right? It can’t get much better than falling head-long in love with your best friend? </p><p>Sometimes, falling in love is the easy part. When you’re in the biggest band in the world, and your boss comes from the old school where ‘fans want to date their idols’ nothing is going to be straight forward. </p><p>Through the tough times, Harry and Louis find that family and friends can do amazing things. Even the worst people can change when pushed. And that as long as it’s built on sturdy foundations, love really can conquer all.</p><p>Featuring: Harry and Louis in love. Fabulously supportive Gemma. Fierce lioness mum’s. A band of brothers. And Simon being Simon.  </p><p>Set several months in to the iron closet, featuring angst, smut and an eventual happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless,—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.’  
> C.S. Lewis - The Four Loves
> 
>  
> 
> Hi, 
> 
> So the quote above was the inspiration for this story. Hopefully gives you a feel for the tone of the story. I've been writing this for a while, but a new laptop where all the keys work means I can now finish it! Although it is strictly a WIP, I expect to finish this story within the next week or so, publishing every day. And the finished story will be approximately 30,000 words.
> 
> I would describe it as canon compliant-ish, this story is about Harry and Louis', thoughts, feelings, and how they develop their relationship, it is set at the beginning of the iron closet period, but I do not dwell on the specifics of that time too much, 
> 
> Kudos and comments always lovely - good or bad. So please let me know what you think.
> 
> And come and chat to me on Tumblr! I'm @LucyStarkid.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.  
> Lucy xx
> 
> UPDATE - so upon rereading, I have decided that this story will read better as fewer, longer, chapters. I have merged what were chapters 1-3 into what is now chapter one. And overall I now expect the story to run over 10 chapters.

He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He was angry and ready for a fight. He had explained to Simon what would happen, and he hadn't listened - thought he knew better. Well it had happened, he hadn't known better. Harry was crumbling away in front of them.

Louis felt like he'd sold himself out. Sending tweets he wouldn't normally tweet and forcing their relationship away from the path they had decided to take. And for what.

He and Harry had talked at length before the tour. And they'd agreed that the best approach was to be themselves - they both hated the thought of being anything else. However, to an outsider looking in, them being themselves looked very much like two people in love. The adoring looks during interviews when they didn’t realise they were on camera, gentle touches they couldn’t help, fond they just couldn’t contain. It was so hard to hold it in.

Over the summer, Louis knew they had grown even closer, leaning on each other when they needed support, bouncing song ideas off of each other, just being there for each other. They were far more than friends, more than best friends, but somehow not sure where to go with it next.

In the end that card had been played for them. Simon in his great wisdom decided that putting some distance between Louis and Harry would work all round. It would keep speculation at bay, and preserve Harry’s ‘lusted after’ status.

So event after event, Harry would be there, and Louis would be there, and they would grudgingly make sure they were never seen or pictured together. It was tiring, so, so tiring.

The more forced it felt, the more forced it became. It broke Harry's heart when he wasn't allowed to tweet Louis on his birthday. And even whispered words from Louis in hotel rooms didn't mend Harry's heart, that felt paper thin, or ease Louis’ wounded morals.

But days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and it became normal. Distance started to feel normal. In fact, Louis struggled to remember the intimacy and the flush in his cheeks when he looked into Harry’s eyes. These days it felt like Harry had left the building, leaving only a shadow of himself behind.

Louis knew the damage this was doing, he just somehow needed to tell, _show,_ Simon before it was too late for Louis, Harry and the band.

...

Harry felt the tears roll down his cheeks. Simon hadn't even asked his opinion, hadn't wanted to hear it.

He felt like he'd been kicked in the ribs, winded, a gaping hole left where his heart and his sense of self should have been.

They'd had a plan. And all over the summer they'd become so close you couldn't have separated them for anything. Even the ache in his heart when he thought of Anne or Gemma hadn't taken him away from Louis. His friend, his more than best friend, his Louis.

He felt conflicted, because in all honesty he felt he owed Simon. He would still be at the bakery, or maybe at university if it hadn't been for him.

Harry knew deep down, that talent on its own wasn't enough, and he'd been a needle in a haystack of talented people. Without support, and powerful people in your corner talent meant nothing. Simon had seen something in him and given him a platform to thrive.

He owed him for everything. One Direction, meeting Louis, giving him three other bandmates he considered brothers - none of it would have happened without him. But god, did it come with a price.

...

Staying away from Louis on stage was torture, reigning his feelings back in was tiring and emotionally draining. 

When he had first met Louis, he'd felt something like gravity but so much stronger. More like magnets being drawn together, without knowledge or control. Just a pull. And it was easy to start with. The fans loved it. And their team either loved it or hadn’t noticed it. They gave in to it. Being locked together was easy, and it felt good.   

Harry hadn't remembered ever feeling quite so content. But he'd understood where Simon was coming from, that they needed to switch it off, tone it down. It was what needed to happen, it made sense for the band, they had to be 'attainable'.

...

They'd been in back-to-back promotional interviews for six hours straight. And Harry felt like he was doing a pretty good job, doing a good impression of being himself. No one had asked him if he was ok, or if anything was wrong. He'd been doing this for weeks now. Doing a good job of being Harry. Heart or no heart.

The distance and the separation wasn't so raw anymore, and he still got to see Louis pretty much every day, so really, everything was fine. The fact that the little inside jokes had stopped, and that off camera they didn't see each other that much anymore wasn't so much of a price to pay for everything he got in return he supposed.

But that hollow feeling in his chest would just not go away. And when he lay in bed, night after night, the familiar feeling that something was missing gnawing away, Harry was really not sure it was a price worth paying. He wasn't sure his heart - stored away in a safe but lonely place - could take it.

...

Simon loved what he saw. He knew the fans thought he was driven by money, and protecting his own reputation, nothing more, nothing less. But the little moments he saw between Harry and Louis were magic. He felt a paternal pull to Louis, and seeing him happy, made him happy in turn.

But the business side of him knew better, knew that Louis was Louis, and Harry was Harry, and lines could not get blurred. Even if it hurt them, he needed to keep them separate. One Direction was his first priority and they couldn't compromise the success of the band, especially while trying to break the US.

...

They'd been in interviews for six hours straight. And for Louis, every minute had dragged and itched like a raw wound. It had been like this for weeks now. He'd had enough and knew something had to change.

Harry wouldn't, or maybe couldn't, look him in the eye. The only time he saw him was on stage when ‘Performance Harry’ appeared. Louis missed Harry. The real Harry, from all those months ago.

...

They'd spent all day in group interviews together. But Harry may as well have been back in Holmes Chapel or London; he certainly wasn't present. He'd switched himself off, and although he looked the same, and said the right words, all that was left was a shell. On top of that, the fans had finally noticed the distance between them, and were going into meltdown too.

Louis cared about the fans, or course he did, and he was aware of how worried they were. But ultimately he cared for Harry so deeply, and he could see that this was tearing him apart. Something had to change, and soon, before Harry was gone entirely.

Louis was in turmoil. He cared so much, cared about getting hurt, and even worse, about hurting someone else. All his life he had felt confident in himself, but as an outsider, always looking in, slightly removed. In Harry he felt like he’d found someone just like him, to look in with him from the outside. And to create their own little world where everything made sense.

Louis had to get him back. And Louis would be brave and show him that he cared, no matter what he had to risk doing it.

...

Louis looked at himself in the mirror and didn't like what he saw. He looked the same on the surface, but he felt terrible about everything and it showed. He studied himself, and he looked like a dulled down version of himself, ashamed. No one else would notice, but it was the only thing he could see.

Brave words had been easy in the comfort of his own head. He'd felt sure that he knew what he had to do to get Harry back. But now, in his house, alone with his thoughts, he felt guilt and nothing else. It'd been two weeks since the day of interviews together, the day that had broken his heart and convinced him he had to do something.

But he hadn't done a thing. And he hated himself for it.

They were on a break from touring, and it provided welcome relief from the long, tiring days and the uncomfortable tension he felt. He spent most the time playing computer games and writing songs, watching movies on his own and going to dinner with his mum. And sleeping, a lot of sleeping, or at least trying to. Lately he struggled with an empty feeling in his chest. He didn't quite understand it but he knew it had started when he and Harry had been forced apart.

The days dragged, and all day every day he felt the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of the future. The difficult decisions and conversations he was going to have to have. He physically squirmed at the thought of how awkward it was all going to be, but it was too important, he had to do it. 

He missed Harry, he needed him. Missed him as what exactly he wasn't sure, but it couldn't go on like this.

The break also meant that Harry was back home for nearly a month with his family and the rest of his friends. Louis knew it was what he needed right now. Some space and downtime from the pressure cooker that was One Direction.

Friends and family were good for Harry's soul. He always came back to the band content and full of energy after seeing them. They knew him like no one else. Talking to himself in the mirror, almost a wish, Louis muttered 'They'll see how much pain he's in, they'll make him open up.'

Truth told, Louis didn't know what that 'opening up' would mean. And he didn't like that. He liked to be in control - he’d always been in control. Until now, now when the lines between his career and the rest of his life were getting so blurred.

Louis looked in the mirror and was determined this was the last time he would see a man he was ashamed of looking back at him.

...

The red-eye home from LA was always a killer, tiring and brutal at the best of times. But even so, catching sight of his reflection in the window he'd been dozing against, Harry was shocked at the sight of the person looking back at him. In all honestly, he probably didn't look too different to anyone else. But as he studied himself, he was unnerved by what he saw. He looked kind of dull, grey. And that was how he felt too, and it scared him. Maybe keeping his heart under lock and key wasn't such a great idea after all.

'I'm just tired, sixteen hour days would do this to anyone' he said, too quietly for anyone else to hear, trying to convince himself.

The next month would be just what he needed. Back with his friends and family, some time to relax, have fun, and not think about work. He loved his job and the other opportunities it opened up to him. But sometimes he did feel thin, stretched paper thin. He wanted to put his all into everything he did, but it didn't leave much in reserve. He felt tired and hollow.

One of the perks of being a 'celebrity' - he squirmed at the thought of the word - was travelling first class. He wasn't used to it, but at least it meant he'd been able to get some sleep. As best he could with that hollow feeling gnawing away in his chest.

'Excuse me sir? Can I get you anything?' Harry looked up and smiled a tired smile at the hostess; a hint of concern on her face. 'Just my pillow from my bag would be great thanks; a pane of glass isn't quite the same as far as comfort goes _'_ Harry replied, switching on a forced charming smile.

A minute or two later and she was back with the pillow. Harry hadn't packed his own bag; he'd been in interviews until late. The pillow his assistant had packed was the one he took from hotel to hotel. He was picky due to persistent back problems. As he snuggled down to try and get some sleep, a faint scent from the pillow had memories he couldn't quite place coming back. They focused and became clearer, snippets of movies and conversations about comic book characters. The missing feeling grew and twisted in his chest. He didn't need his heart to feel this; Louis was in each and every cell in his body.

He missed him so much. But it was hopeless.

...

'This is not good, not good at all' Jay muttered, biting her nails, a nervous tick. She'd been in Louis' Twitter looking at his mentions and direct messages. She did it every morning, even when he was away from home. She would always support him, and knew he couldn't always face going on there himself.

A cross check on Tumblr – which even Jay found a scary place – confirmed her fears.

...

Louis' phone rang in his jean pocket, struggling to get it out before it went to voicemail, he got there just in time, 'Hi mum, you ok...Tea sounds great; I'll pick you up in half an hour'.

Jay might have been his mum, but she was Louis' best friend too, and they had no secrets. She knew about the distance Harry and Louis had to endure. And she worried for them as she saw the distance become normal.

To be honest she’d never really understood the thinking behind enforcing this space between them anyway. She knew Simon had his reasons, but what, other than money, they could be was a mystery. But Louis hadn't wanted her to get involved. So she supported, and was a shoulder to cry on, but nothing more. Until now.

They drove to a local cafe and grabbed their drinks, but as Louis went to take a seat, Jay kept hold of his hand stopping him from sitting 'Not here, let's go to the park'. Bemused, Louis followed alongside in comfortable silence during the five-minute walk to the small park.

It was 2pm on a Tuesday, so the park was virtually empty. Still, Jay walked them to a bench furthest from the entrance. Sitting down with a serious look on her face she chose her words carefully, knowing that she would hit a nerve, needed to hit a nerve, 'Louis, why are you agreeing to go along with all of this? What exactly is it that you're so scared of?'

He knew exactly what his mum was getting at and it hurt to have it pointed out. Consciously or unconsciously he was scared of losing everything. The band, his friends, his career, and Harry. He was terrified, terrified because he wanted it all and he couldn't see how he could keep from losing something.

He knew he was being a coward, digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole, but he just couldn't have this conversation now. Not even with his mum.

He looked her straight in the eye and lied through his teeth, _'_ I have no idea what you're talking about'.

...

Just being back home was good for his soul, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Harry could breathe and his chest felt comfortably full. The gnawing, hollow feeling was still there just not so prominent. It had shrunk and been replaced by a feeling of home.

He knew his childhood friends and family would be in his life forever, no matter what. And that was an excessively comforting reality, especially as the rest of his life felt so fragile.

Kicking himself for not being able to let go, Harry drifted to the look on Louis' face at the end of their group interview. He hadn't really registered at the time; he was so focused on distracting himself with saying the right things and putting on a brave face. But thinking back, he could place that look, and it tore him in half. It was the look of someone who was totally lost, looking for the other half of their whole and seeing an imitation. He was a fraud, and everything he needed was crumbling away because of it.

His phone buzzed in his back pocket, jolting him out of his own head. Pulling it out of his pocket he saw five missed calls and a text message. Gemma had been trying to get hold of him for the last twenty minutes. Looking at the time on his phone, it slowly dawned on him that he'd been standing in the busy airport lounge, hugging his pillow, for over twenty minutes, lost in his thoughts.

Noticing the odd looks he was getting, he mentally shook himself, grabbing his bag, escaping out of his head and towards the comfort of home, his family and his friends.

Walking heavily through the airport, Harry spotted Gemma long before she spotted him, which was weird really, seeing as she was looking right at him.

...

Louis sighed as he took the battery out of his phone. It was three days since the non-conversation in the park, and his mum wouldn't leave him alone. He knew it was only because she cared, and he felt awful lying to her. Even worse because he knew from the look on her face that she could see straight through his lie.

Shouting at no one in his empty house, he threw the phone against the wall.

If she'd wanted to hit a nerve she'd done it. All he’d done since Tuesday was think about what she’d said, and being trapped in his own head, in this cell of a house, was slowly sending him mad.

'This is stupid; I can't do anything until we’re in the same place anyway' he said to no one. That was, of course, another lie; he could be talking about this with his mum. But somehow saying it all out loud, to someone that wasn't Harry, felt like the wrong thing to do. This was their problem and they needed to sort through it themselves, as hard as that was going to be. Ignoring it was just not an option. Not in the long term anyway. 

Louis loved to write music and lyrics, anyone that knew him knew that. He could lose himself completely in a song, let the melodies take over, soak them in. He wasn't working on anything specific at the moment, his heart hadn't really been in it. But now, now he felt like it might be the right thing to do – cathartic – to take his mind off everything.

Looking for inspiration, he picked up a tattered vinyl version of Aftermath by the Rolling Stones, put it on the record player and started to listen, waiting, hugging his favourite pillow tight into his chest. Losing himself in familiar songs, he found himself humming along, feeling more free than he had in ages.

Letting the music wash over him, it hit out of nowhere. The hollow feeling in his chest exploded and contracted so hard it physically hurt. The notes and melodies suddenly feeling like they were trying to suffocate him, memories of songwriting sessions, and late night comic book reading on tour. Grabbing the album sleeve and turning it over, there in scratchy handwriting - ‘Harry’s, keep your mitts off Louis!!’

And on to the crumpled, dog-eared album sleeve, hot tears fell. And he didn't know if he'd ever stop.

...

Gemma had to do a double take as she saw Harry slowly walk towards her. He looked terrible. Maybe not terrible, but not himself anyway. She prided herself on being perceptive, especially where family was concerned, and this just shouted out to her. It looked like someone had switched off the lights.

She was so tempted to say something, ask if he was ok, but it didn't feel like the right time. Instead, she pulled him to her tightly, and squeezed harder and longer than was strictly necessary. She could've imagined it but she was sure she felt her brother shaking in her arms. _Something’s definitely not right,_ she thought to herself, still holding on tight. But Harry being Harry, she was sure she'd find out all about it. Being a closed book had never come naturally to her little brother.

...

  
Harry pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes, hoping they hid the tears. He knew, back home with his friends and family, that his heart, locked and shackled away, would try to break free and betray him.


	2. Chapter 2

Home had always been a sanctuary for Harry. Growing up, his mum and Gemma provided a loving, solid foundation, letting him develop into the person he was now. And even right now, when he knew he wasn’t the happiest version of himself, home, the people that were his home, comforted him like nothing else.

Sitting on the sofa, flicking through one of his mum’s magazines, Harry day dreamed of paddling pools, hot summer days and water fights in the back garden with Gemma. Of Anne calling them in as the heat seeped out of the day, getting them to dry off and get changed before spoiling them with hugs and homemade ice cream.

He was snapped back to reality by Gemma, brandishing two steaming cups of tea. She handed him one, and plonking herself down next to him, unceremoniously shoving the magazine to one side, tucking her feet underneath him.

‘So, baby bro, what’s the latest gossip from life on the road then?’ she teased. This was their  normal ritual of Harry being home, Gem digging for all the most entertaining stories, and Harry indulging her with tales, mainly about Louis, that had them both in stitches.

He went to speak, to fill her in as normal, however, this time he realised there were not as many fun tales to tell. The last few months had been stressful, and he wracked his brain, trying to think of something to say.

Finally, a story came to mind, ‘Ok, you won’t believe it but Liam’s got us a “tour puppy”! He just decided one day when we were in Chicago that we were too boring on our own, so he just disappeared, and came back with Mabel. She’s lovely, a Collie, but wow, she’s a handful. Liam’s stuck with her now though - she’s always chewing his shoes, and going to the loo all over the place!’

Gemma just laughed and waited, so Harry thought hard for another,

‘Oh and Zayn, Zayn decided our tour bus needed a makeover, and spray painted the whole of the inside with manga characters! It looked cool, but he nearly passed out from the fumes. We couldn’t use it for a week until the smell had gone!...So there’s that!’

Again Gemma just laughed and waited. Out of stories, Harry just shrugged.

‘Oh come on Harry, what about you, or Louis, you’re always causing the most trouble. Don’t try to deny it!’

‘Well, not much to tell really, just normal stuff, you know. You know me, mostly just trying to write songs, and I spend a lot of time with Lou and Lux, she’s growing up so fast, she’s walking now, so that’s new.’ Harry hoped that Gemma would drop it now, satisfied with the stories he’d told.

Gemma smiled at that, she loved Lux. And that seemed to placate her. That and Anne shouting from the kitchen, ‘Gem, your phone’s ringing, you’ve left it in here!’ which had his sister leaping up from the sofa, only stopping at the doorway, turning to Harry, and saying, with a soft look on her face, ‘That all sounds lovely H, and it’s really good to have you home..’ she hesitated before continuing, ‘..but you would say, wouldn’t you, if there was anything wrong. You know you can talk to me.’

And with that she headed to the kitchen, shouting about plans for a night out over her shoulder.

………

He was almost chanting it, looking into the mirror and willing himself to believe it, feel it, even though his brain was trying to tell him otherwise: 'I will have a good time, and I will not think about Louis. I will have a good time, and I will not think about Louis. I will have a…'

A knock on his door made him jump, dropping the glass he was holding. It smashed on the hardwood floor, but he’d worked himself into such a state that he didn't feel the shards grazing his skin. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and all he felt was his own heartbeat and the blood rushing past his ears.

Gemma was there before he realised what was happening, 'Hey, you ready, taxi's here'.

The cab ride to the club was a bit of a blur, Gemma did most of the talking and Harry smiled a forced smile at her. They picked up some of Gemma’s friends on the way, and in no time they’d got to the club.

They jumped the queue and were inside in seconds. The music was thumping and Harry wasn't really sure why they’d decided to come here at all, wasn't sure this was what he needed. But after a couple of beers at the bar, he felt a bit more relaxed, although thoughts of Louis still lingered front and centre. He was sure that having fun shouldn’t be such hard work.

It wasn't until several drinks later that Harry realised they'd got in so quickly because of him. He didn’t normally like the idea of celebrity, but tonight, for some reason he revelled in it, just enjoyed soaking it up. It carried on once they were in the main part of the club. They were ushered to the VIP area and drinks they hadn't ordered appeared. Harry found himself arm in arm with Gemma, smiling at her and saying, 'Well it would be rude not to!’

The dance floor in the VIP area was small and heaving with bodies, Harry liked to dance, even if he knew he wasn't very good at it; all animated faces, gangly limbs, and bouncing. The throng of bodies around him didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with his flailing and bouncing though, and he was loving it.

One of the writhing bodies got a little too close and he could feel hot breath at his ear. Blanking out the contact and enjoying the hum of the music, Harry focussed on dancing and just letting loose. It felt good, really good.

There was a gentle tug at his shoulder, a warm touch that felt familiar. Turning comfortably, he was shocked to see brown eyes looking back at him. Stumbling back, away from this stranger, he realised that he'd been sure, so sure, that he'd be looking into bright blue eyes.

He carried on dancing, willing that good feeling from earlier to come back. But it felt strange and unfamiliar. Brown eyes where there should have been vivid blue. Height, which meant arms and hands were in all the wrong places. Angles and exaggerated muscles where he knew there needed to be soft curves.

Pulling back, in what he thought was a subtle way, he heard himself say on auto-pilot, _'_ Thanks for that, that was fun, see you around yeah?' And with the words came the movement. Reeling away towards the comfort of Gemma. He was back in her arms seconds later, she loved him for who he was. Although he knew the questions were bound to come.

…

Gemma felt a bit creepy. She’d been watching her brother all evening, so she supposed that if the cap fit, she'd have to wear it.

Right this moment, Harry had - no exaggeration - more than a dozen people, men and women, surrounding him, staring appreciatively as her brother clumsily danced and enjoyed himself.

Gemma did enjoy seeing her brother let loose, it hadn’t happened often enough lately. But she couldn’t shake the memory of the ‘lights off look’ she’d seen just days ago. She needed to get to the bottom of that, but obviously, now was again, not the right time.

…

Reeling and forcing his way through the crowd, away from the dance floor and the unfamiliar eyes, Harry felt himself bump into something soft that didn’t falter as he slammed into it. Wrapped in a familiar embrace, he felt himself relax as he sank in and let himself be swept along, further away from the noise and the lingering dance floor confusion that sat heavy in the pit of his stomach.

He felt broken glass crunch under his feet on the sticky dance floor, reminding him of the scene earlier in his room. He felt the dull thump of bumping into soft bodies as they moved away.

Gaining his bearings a little, he looked up and saw Gemma guiding them through the crowd, pushing and making sure that they got back safely to their booth. Collapsing into the softness of the seat, he instinctively pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged himself, making himself small.

In Gemma’s arms he drifted off and away, searching for the bright blue eyes he longed for; they provided comfort, understanding and possibilities. But he knew, even in this relaxed, sleepy state, that with all these possibilities came confusion, and the knowledge of battles ahead.

His mind took him to a safe place, and he dozed in the comfort of his own head. Switching off and enjoying the relaxing, safe feeling of being hugged, having someone rock him gently to sleep. For what felt like forever he let the warm comfort engulf him and enjoyed soaking up the love he felt.

It took a long moment to realise that the hollow feeling in his chest was back. Even at home with his family and friends, the gnawing grind of his missing heart was making itself known. How had he really thought he could live like this – switched off from the person that mattered to him most. It was slowly eating him up inside, and he needed to let someone else in.

Opening his eyes groggily, sad realisation crept in. He was being hugged, but not by Louis. He was sat, cradled in his sister’s arms, in a club he wanted to be as far away from as possible. The biggest and only wish in his head screaming, for Louis to come and take him away. 

...

Gemma took the opportunity of hugging Harry to really properly look at him, and she was shocked at what she saw.

Looking at her baby brother, she saw; dark circles under his eyes, hair longer and shaggier than it should have been, clothes looking like they needed a wash and an iron, the list went on. Her brother needed help, and even if she didn't know what the problem was, she was sure as hell going to help him find a way out of it.

She gently stroked his hair to try to wake him up, she didn't want to make him jump. Trying again, she squeezed his arm, still nothing. Getting a bit worried now, she shook him, still gently, and said quietly 'Harry, wake up, let’s get us home.'

'What the...Louis...where am I?' he was, to all intents and purposes, still asleep, but to Gemma it was like a light bulb going off. She knew what the problem was. It'd never been clearer. But what could she do about it. She’d never seen Harry like this before. She needed to break in, get him to open up, but without making things worse than they already were.

...

'Ouch, what’s that?' his eyes felt like they were on fire, he could see heat and red through his eyelids. He moved tentatively to feel his eyebrows and eyelids, everything was normal. Cracking one eye open, the light hit him and he snapped his eyes shut again.

Staggering across the room, eyes shut, he felt for the curtains and grabbed around blindly, managing to close them. Stumbling back in the direction of the bed, eyes closed even in the darkness, he tripped and fell. 'What the...'

Falling onto the bed, he finally opened his eyes, and after a few seconds of trying to focus he saw Gemma. She was silently moving on her hands and knees, dustpan and brush in hand, sweeping up tiny shards of glass from the night before.

‘Hey little bro, you ok?' Gemma said, realising Harry was properly awake now.

'Erm, ok I think...at least I can only see one of you now, not five. That was scary. One Gem I can almost handle, five is too much for anyone.' Harry chuckled.

……

Lying on the bed, Harry with his arms over his eyes to block out the residual light, and Gemma next to him, now seemed like as good of a time as any to sow the seeds of her plan to help her brother.

‘Baby bro, I feel really bad asking, but I need a favour...’

Harry, shifted position, intentionally jabbing Gemma in the side playfully, ‘Go on then Gem, what is it…’

Gemma sighed for dramatic effect before continuing, ‘Well you know I want to get into music journalism, and Holmes Chapel isn’t exactly the place to be..’, staying calm up until that point, the rest came out in a nervous rush, wanting this plan to work ‘…how would you feel about me coming on tour with you for the next leg? I could make some fantastic contacts, and maybe blog about life on the road with my baby bro. What do you think?’

Almost before Gemma had finished, she was swept up in the biggest, tightest, most love-filled hug, ‘That would be fantastic Gem, I have so many people I can introduce you to. And you’ll have so much fun, I’ll make sure.’

For the first time since picking him up at the airport, Gemma saw her brother’s genuine smile, with just a flicker of light back in his eyes.

And lying on the bed, still nestled together with his sister, Harry mused to himself that having Gem on tour was going to be a good thing, a really good thing. He felt like having his big sister by his side was just what he needed right now.

…

Waking up with a stiff neck and something damp pressed to his face, it took Louis a long time to realise where he was, and even longer to focus and take in the familiar surroundings of his home.

Blinking hard and rubbing his eyes with his palms didn't help, in fact it made it worse. A bit more awake but still in a blurry, soft focus place, Louis sat up and peeled something off of the side of his face.

Unravelling himself from the awkward position he'd been in, stretching and crunching as he stood to his full height. He'd been asleep on the sofa for god knows how long, and it felt like longer. Trying to remember last night through the blur and haze, the last thing he could recall was listening to Paint It Black, and being swept along by a tidal wave of emotion.

'Oh', he felt himself sag, shrink and crumple a little as the memory formed, waking him up further. There was no other explanation for it; he'd cried himself to sleep. That was why he could barely see. Last night, the shock of the memories and feelings the music had evoked in him had been too much and he’d crumbled. Crying himself to sleep, listening to Harry’s copy of one of their favourite albums. He sighed as he realised he had it bad, worse than even he'd acknowledged to himself.

Gritting his teeth, he fought the urge to put his phone back together and call Harry, lay it all on the line and open up. Instead he shook his head, pulling at his own hair hard, distracting himself and putting the idea to the back of his mind. Muttering under his breath, 'Only a week to go and then we’ll talk. I'll make things right.'

Feeling encrusted in sleep and memories, he walked slowly to the bathroom. Pulling the door open, squinting hard as the bright, artificial light seared into him. He felt like a rabbit in the headlights of his own home.

The steam of the shower started to fill the room. Louis wiped the condensation from the mirror, just enough to see himself looking back. As he looked at himself, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was so blindingly, jarringly appropriate, but it broke his heart at the same time. There, for him and him alone to see, printed down the entire right side of his face, like a stamp, claiming ownership – ‘Harry’s, keep your mitts off Louis!!’

The irony, and hope, of the alternative reading inked on his face made Louis hesitate before stepping into the shower, looking at himself one more time.

He stepped under the scalding water, knowing, with ache in his chest, that it was washing away.

…

Jay had lost count of the number of times she'd called his mobile and his home phone. She'd also sent eight emails – two a day – she kept it to that, didn't want to be too pushy. Maybe he just really did need some space to think.

She knew Louis better than anyone, and this was his style with the really important stuff, ignoring it, brushing it off, trying to force it to go away.

Thinking back to the awkward non-conversation in the park, Jay felt guilty. As soon as she'd asked the question - intentionally hitting that raw nerve - she knew she'd started a train of events that wouldn't stop until they were resolved. One way or another.

 She had no idea what this, resolved, would look like. But she knew she'd be there for him and that he had to be true to himself.

She loved her son more than anything, she knew by pushing it as an issue she was causing him pain, scratching the top off a scab that ran deep. But knowing that he must have understood that it came from a place of caring, eased her guilt and strengthened her resolve.

She would see her son happy.

…

Gemma sorted her clothes in a rush, trying to look calm and casual. _Fuck it; I don't want to give him time to change his mind. Do I even need half of this shit?_ thinking to herself, adrenaline pushing her on.

Harry sat in the corner of the room, scribbling in a notebook – lyrics most likely, she wasn't sure. But it was good to see her brother engrossed in something, the lights were still on and even though he still looked tired, he looked a little more like himself. He was concentrating hard, it was written all over his face, but Gemma was still careful to give her best impression of calm, collected and nonchalant. She felt the polar opposite inside.

The mood had lifted ever since she had asked – well told really – whether she could join him back on tour. Any awkwardness between them had evaporated and every cell in her body told her this was a good thing to do. The right thing to do.

….

He was engrossed in the contents of his notebook, it was written all over his face – a perfect mask. Lyrics or just random phrases, it didn't make any difference. Band life had taught Harry to be something of a multi-tasker and as he watched Gemma, and also scribbled nonsense in his notebook, he knew he had that skill mastered.

Having his sister on tour with him, and have her meet some of his contacts was the least he could do. Gemma had been there for him countless times growing up. Harry had got a lucky break, and helping Gem achieve her dreams was the least he could do.

 _Fuck’s sake Harry, you know that’s not true,_ he scribbled in his notebook. He felt guilty and selfish as he accepted that helping his sister made him feel good, and that the thought of having her on tour made him breathe easier.  

He'd done it for the right reasons. Pretending to be asleep in the club, muttering under his breath - he had honestly said what he'd been feeling – what he was always feeling. Louis was never off of his mind. And he did need Gemma's help - he was just terrified to outright ask for it.

Harry added deceiving his sister to the list of things he wasn't proud of.

 _I'd do anything to save it., Why is it so hard to say it?_ he wrote those lines over and over filling page after page.

And he willed himself to have the courage to act, to say what he was feeling. To have the conviction to stand by those sentiments.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry couldn't decide whether whether the last week at home was flying by or dragging along too slowly. All he did know was that he had an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach that was growing progressively as the week went on. He distracted himself with meeting friends and writing ideas for new songs – songs which were an odd combination of terribly melancholy and overly romantic.

He also helped Gemma get organised for their life back on tour.

Even in her worst moods Gem had the ability to make Harry laugh and forget for a while. Packing, or the lack thereof, was a prime example. Harry knew that he was disorganised, but Gemma took it to a whole other level.

'Where the hell are my snow boots', she grumbled, throwing flip flops and crumpled vest tops in all directions looking for the elusive boots. 'Fuck's sake, I know they're here somewhere'.

Harry tried to disguise a burst of laughter into a cough. Either way, it interrupted his sister’s ranting, She scowled at him. 'What's so funny? Our flight leaves in four hours and I haven't even started packing.'

That much was clear. In fact, the washing machine was still churning away in the kitchen, as she'd frantically tried to wash and dry nearly her entire wardrobe in the space of a couple of days.

Harry tried to wipe the smirk off his face, 'Stop for a second. Think about where we’re going?'

Gemma looked at him annoyed, ‘Back on tour, obviously.’

'And', Harry carried on, really grinning now, 'what’s the date?'

'Why the hell do you need to know what the date is?'

'We’re touring the US at the tail end of summer, and you're looking for snow boots! How long are you planning on staying for exactly?' Harry said in mock seriousness.

'Oh, well I'm just trying to be organised. I'm not assuming...' but before she could finish Harry had tackled Gemma to the floor in a massive bear hug, and she could see he was grinning from ear to ear.

'I'm kidding! Stay with us long as you like! Just calm down with the life or death packing, there are shops where we’re going you know!'

Having Gem with him on tour was going to be good fun, Harry knew for sure. The easy banter was just what he needed in his life right now. He also knew that his sister had a softer, deeper side, and in time, back on the road, Harry would open up to her and let her know about the constant internal battle he was fighting.

Harry's phone buzzed and he scrambled back across the room to retrieve it – disappointed again. He was pretty sure that even back on tour, he wouldn't admit to her that every time he had a text or a missed call his pulse would quicken and he'd get goosebumps, willing it to be Louis. He was left disappointed each and every time.

...

Louis paced around his living room like a caged animal. They'd be back on tour in two days. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a very tall cliff – working out how to take the leap into the unknown.

Each time he paced past the mirror in the lounge he caught sight of himself. Time away from each other, to think, had been painful but good. It had made things a little clearer. Looking at himself now, the ashamed, guilty figure from a couple of weeks ago was gone.

Pacing and pacing, thinking and thinking, Louis suddenly realised he needed to stop, stop thinking and starting doing. Grabbing a pen and the battered album sleeve, he started to write.

He was shaking, struggling to make his writing legible. Stopping to take a few deep breaths, gulping down the last remnants of doubt and fear, he put pen back to paper, knowing those few sentences would be some of the most important he'd ever write.

……...

The airport was busy with people coming and going. Harry smiled to himself as he realised how different this was to the last time he'd been there just a month ago. He was happy, happy to have Gemma around, and to be going back on tour.

They'd finally finished packing; leaving half of Gemma's stuff behind in the end, deciding it could get sent on to them.

The flight was fun; it was the first time Gemma had travelled first class. One of the perks of having a 'celebrity' baby brother, that was for sure. Even though Harry had felt entirely awkward with the upgrade they'd got.

They settled into their seats and the time drifted past easily, a mixture of movies, music, naps, free drinks and chatting about nothing in particular.

As they got nearer to the end of the flight, Gemma wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she thought Harry had become quieter, a slightly strained look in his eyes when he smiled. Trying to ignore it, she moved the conversation back to who Harry was going to introduce her to. She made a mental note though, not to leave it too long before trying to get Harry to open up to her once and for all.

……..

Finding their driver after a little bit of a struggle, they both slept for most of the journey. Arriving at the hotel they would be based in for a couple of weeks, it was dark and raining by the time they got there.  

Dragging their bags to the lift – Harry drew the line at being helped with those, celebrity or not – it took two trips to get all of their stuff up onto the spacious corridor outside their suite. Fumbling for his key card, still half asleep, Harry finally opened the door and walked on in, dragging a couple of bags behind him.

'What the...' hearing a crash and clatter behind him Harry turned to see Gemma slumped against the wall in the hallway, bag hanging off her shoulder. 'What happened?' Harry asked, confused. 'I tripped on something, it's over there', Gemma said, pointing to the envelope that she'd kicked into living area.

Walking over and picking it up Harry's stomach dropped to his feet, heart pounding as he recognised the handwriting on the envelope. Hands shaking as he slowly and carefully opened it, not wanting to tear or damage it. He peered inside and felt his eyes prick with tears, disappointment washing over him. It was his own copy of Aftermath. He’d left it at Louis' the last time he'd been there, months ago. He hadn't realised that Louis was already at the hotel. Muttering under his breath 'I guess that's his way of drawing a line under everything then.'

He slid the record out of the envelope and frowned at the condition it was in. It was old, but Harry was careful with things that were precious to him. The album sleeve was a mess, crumpled and rippled, as if it had been left out in the rain.

He put it down on the coffee table in the middle of the room, and sadly went to walk away. Turning back to get his phone, he noticed it for the first time. He couldn't believe it at first, but once he saw, he couldn't tear his eyes away, everything around him fading out as the handwriting came into sharp focus.

Written alongside his own, in Louis’ distinctive handwriting, ’Harry, I don't really know what to say, or what any of this means, but I miss you so much. I need you in my life more than anything. We need to talk. I am not going to lose you. Louis x'

………..

That was all Harry had been waiting for, even if he hadn't known it until now.

Ignoring the overwhelming urge to turn and hide, he ran out of his suite, early hours of the morning, mind racing at a million miles an hour, Gemma's confused shouts trailing behind him.

…...

Harry woke with a start, confused for a few minutes, not sure where he was. He realised, as he lay slowly waking up, that he was in a hotel suite that had been his second home not that long ago. Before all the distance had started and then become normal. It was still dark and the room was silent. Almost scared to move, he looked to the other sofa, seeing Louis sleeping peacefully.

Harry thanked the universe that they were creatures of habit when it came to hotel bookings.

They hadn't really talked last night. It'd been 3am when Harry had arrived, out of breath and severely jet-lagged, banging on Louis' hotel room door. But the look on Louis' face in that moment, told him he was doing the right thing. The fleeting look of worry, followed by surprise, relief and then excitement spoke volumes. In that moment, though confused and scared, they knew they had something worth fighting for – worth losing things for.

Harry stared at the ceiling thinking, the room getting gradually lighter around him. Then, Louis started to stir, and Harry was suddenly not so sure if he was ready for him to wake up.

The time they'd spent together before jet-lag had won out had been so tender. Louis, pulling him into a tight embrace, squeezing him in a way that spoke of regret and longing; and more than anything, something that felt to Harry a lot like love.

When they'd eventually pulled apart, the awkwardness of unresolved and unspoken conversations kicked in. They'd spent a lot of time sat next to each other, legs pressed together, deep in thought. And Harry, in a haze of jet-lag, realising, but not being able to help, the overly-fond giveaway smile he knew was there whenever he looked in Louis’ direction.

He'd missed Louis so much it had physically hurt. He'd only survived at all by closing himself down, locking his heart away. But now, now he was open, as easy to read as before. Wearing his heart vulnerably on his sleeve.

'Morning Hazza did you sleep ok?' and that one line, so normal and innocuous, had Harry's heart beating hard and fast, and that felt good, really, really good.

…

Louis realised he hadn't felt this happy and relaxed in months. And that was saying something, considering how unbelievably awkward this had the potential to be.

He wasn't sure exactly why he'd spent the last hour pretending to be asleep. He was almost able to convince himself it wasn't just to listen to Harry breathing; that would creepy. He was scared, scared that when they were awake, in the cold light of day, it would be difficult conversation after difficult conversation.

Lying there thinking, he pictured Harry's face when he'd opened the door last night. He'd looked happy, really happy; he'd looked more alive than Louis had seen him in months. Trying to fight back the smile he realised was going to give his 'sleeping' away, it made his head spin to know that he had made Harry that happy. Forty-one words, scribbled on a battered, tear-stained album sleeve had done that to him.

Feeling the sunlight through his closed eyes, Louis needed...no, he wanted, to see Harry, to speak to him, to try and work out what was going on. They needed to figure out what they were. When they'd hugged last night on his doorstep, it had felt wonderful, scary, but wonderful. Having Harry pressed against him, feeling him close, had felt a lot like love.

Steeling himself, he pushed away the doubts and fears, and used every ounce of the performer in him to sound casual and calm. ‘Morning Hazza, did you sleep ok?'

And those few simple words, Louis was surprised at how natural they sounded, and how good it had felt to say. How good it would feel to wake up to Harry every morning.

….

They ate breakfast in silence, alternating between not looking at each other at all and holding each other's gaze for too long. Both aware that this had the potential to be amazing or go horribly wrong.

Louis looked up, and without thinking, heard himself say 'You look like you could sleep for days and it still wouldn't be enough.' Seeing the hurt look flash across Harry's face for just a second, he kicked himself and tried to make up for it, 'Why don't we watch a DVD, we don't need to be anywhere today. You'd be doing me a favour, you know I hate my own company.'

Agreeing to Louis' stalling tactic, they decided on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, both stating in all seriousness, that it was a modern great and not appreciated nearly enough.

'Can we have snacks? And nothing healthy please', Harry asked. Seconds later, they were settled on the sofa, bowls of popcorn and pretzels between them.

'Oh my god, you’re not serious...', Louis was nearly in tears, laughing so hard, '...stop hiding, he's not that scary!'

Harry was wide-eyed and peering through his fingers, whispering, 'What are you talking about, he's terrifying! Look at him!’.

Even after years of knowing him, Louis loved finding out random facts about Harry, and knowing that he was outright terrified of the Child Snatcher was just another to add to the list of things that made him who he was.

They carried on watching the film in peaceful silence. Or more precisely, Louis carried on watching the film, humming along quietly to the songs. Harry snored along, having fallen asleep, hands still hiding his face from the terror that was the Child Snatcher.

Louis found himself watching Harry sleep, still jet lagged it would seem. And then it was warm, and so comfortable, the sugar rush from the snacks wearing off fast. And he whispered to himself, _'_ I'll just close my eyes for a minute.'

….

When Louis woke up he couldn't move. There was something heavy on him, and it was squeezing him tight. Taking a few seconds to remember, Louis found himself at peace with the situation, of Harry sleeping and holding him tightly. He stayed still, smiling, eyes still closed and soaking the feeling up, savouring it.

Drifting back to sleep, he snuggled in and enjoyed it, cherishing the weight, secretly worried that this might be the last time he'd experience it. Everything was going to be so complicated.

He frowned, trying to push the thought to the back of his mind. Harry shifted and groaned, exhaling warmly, waking up. Both awake and still tangled together, all they could do was stare into each other's eyes; there was nowhere else to look. Their lips were so close they could feel each other's breath warm against their skin.

'Oops', Harry whispered into Louis' mouth smiling gently. Louis just smiled back, and ghosted out a quiet, 'Hi', enjoying the feeling of accidental closeness.

Still not moving, and looking at him sleepily, but sounding worried, Harry whispered, so quietly Louis thought he'd imagined it, 'Can I stay in your suite tonight? Just on the sofa? I just want to be near you.'

And without really realising it their lips met.


	4. Chapter 4

When Louis woke up again it was still dark; he squinted, forcing the clock on the other side of the bedroom to come into focus. 'Urgh, it's not even six yet'. Stretching, feeling the emptiness of his bed, hearing his bones crack and pop, he knew, whether he remembered it or not, he'd had a restless night's sleep.

He forced himself out of bed and towards the living room - bracing himself. Ready to have, or at least start to have, the difficult conversations they'd succeeded in avoiding for the last two nights.

'Hey Harry’, he half-said, half-whispered, as he walked across the room.

But he knew it before he saw it. The empty sofa was screaming at him in the silence of the room. Harry was gone, and long gone it seemed, the blankets and pillows holding no trace of his warmth.

In his place, one measly, inanimate object left on the sofa. And honest to god, Louis could nearly hear it laughing at him. Angry at himself, he grabbed it, ready to throw it across the room, tear it to shreds.

But the laughing turned into pleading. Pleading at him to take a second, a second to read the few words scribbled on it.

'I love you, but I need time to think. If we're going to be something I need to be clear in my own mind. I don't want to drag you into the mess going on in my head, you don't deserve that – you're too important to me. Speak soon. And don’t worry x'

And for the second time in as many weeks, Louis was crying on to that god forsaken album sleeve. Every word Harry had written confused him, breaking and mending his heart as he read.

_He needs to think._

_But he loves me._

_And I'm important to him._

And the single kiss, smeared with a long passed tear that Louis knew wasn't his own, shattered his heart into tiny pieces.

…..

Harry felt like two very different parts of the same confused person. He walked back to his hotel suite, corridors deserted, still early enough not to worry about anyone recognising him.

He tried to look at himself objectively – as an outsider looking in. On the surface he seemed to have a bounce in his step, and a silly half-smile on his face. But underneath there was something else, there was the hint of a frown, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and a slight drag in his step. An uneasy combination; and it felt that way too.

Thinking back; half asleep on Louis' sofa, it had felt easy, right, and natural. Waking up in the late evening, holding him, and feeling brave enough to brush their lips together.

In that one moment on Louis' plush hotel sofa, Harry had never felt more sure of anything. Whether he wanted to be or not, whether it was going to be easy for them or not. The truth was he loved Louis. And he was pretty sure he was only kidding himself, and hurting Louis, by fighting it.

This was not the type of love that would grow into a deep friendship. This was a love that was all consuming, almost too much for him to handle.

Grumbling out loud Harry muttered to himself, 'Why do good things have to be so complicated.'

………

Jay nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang. It was the first time in weeks she'd heard the ringtone that meant it was Louis.

She calmed herself, and decided to let it go to voicemail. Taking deep breaths, she willed herself. _Don't have a go at him. But make him tell you what's going on. He needs your help._

And sure enough, her phone rang again; the Louis she hadn't heard from for weeks was now very much trying to get in contact with her. _What's changed?_ she wondered, knowing full well the subject, if not the content, of the conversation they would be having very soon.

Her heart broke as she listened to the voicemail Louis had left; he sounded desperately sorry, but also confused and unsure of himself. ‘Mum, I, um...I'm really sorry…I've been a terrible son. I’m so sorry I left without seeing you…I know you were only trying to help. I'm sorry. And you have every right to tear me to pieces…but… I could really do with talking to you if you have time.'

The crack in Louis' voice was all she needed to hear. He might try to hide it, but to Jay it was crystal clear, her son needed her help and she'd been waiting for weeks to be able to support him. Grabbing her phone, she dialled, determined to help him sort this out before it ate him up and spat him out.

…..

As he crept back into his suite, and silently closed the door, Harry felt guilt wash over him. He'd dragged his sister half way around the world, and then abandoned her with no explanation as soon as they'd arrived. 'Some brother I am’, Harry mumbled.

Entering the warmth of the suite seemed to have a draining effect on him. As soon as he shut the door the overwhelming urge to sleep hit. 

He stepped into the bathroom and on into the shower. Trying, and failing to wash the sleep and the guilt away. Harry's thoughts would not do as they were told and were determined to punish him. They drifted to Louis' face, the face that had been full of worry, surprise, relief, and then excitement seeing Harry at his door. That had felt so intense. Intense to know he could make Louis feel all those things. But now, now he was pretty sure that all he'd left Louis feeling was confused and anxious.

'Harry, Harry, are you ok? Where the hell have you been?'

Jolting him out of his self-pity, a sinking feeling set in as the pounding at the bathroom door continued. It left him in no doubt that Gemma would not let him escape easily. He was going to have to explain himself.

…..

His sister looked more tired than he'd ever seen her. Dark shadows under her eyes, and worry etched all over her face. 

‘Where the fuck have you been? I haven't slept. You ran out in tears, and then I hear nothing from you for almost two days. What the hell's going on?'

Put like that, and seeing the state his sister was in, Harry couldn't exactly argue. He owed her an explanation and fast.

….

Pacing backwards and forwards, Louis was sure he was wearing a groove into the obnoxiously plush carpet. Finally, Jay answered the phone, relief surging through him. He'd have to tell her now, and that would be a good thing. This secret was killing him.

His mum sounded tired and worried as they spoke. The feisty spark he was so used to, and had inherited, well hidden. He felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him up as he realised he’d made her feel like that.

'Louis, you know I love you more than anything, but where the hell have you been, I've been trying to get hold of you for weeks. This is not the way you treat family, and you know it. What’s going on?'

Hearing the shuddering breath and teary tremble in her son’s voice broke her heart, but she had to get him to do this. Even though she already knew roughly what was going on, he needed to be honest with her, say it, so she could help him.

'Mum, it's Harry, I think I love him, and I think even though he’s really scared, he loves me too. I don't care what I lose, I need him.'

And even though she could hear he the pain he was in, she smiled down the phone line. This was massive, progressing more than she could've imagined. They were going to be fine, it wasn't going to be easy, but she knew that nothing would keep them from being together.

….

Gemma chose her words carefully, ‘I need you to be honest with me, what's going on? This isn’t normal and I’m worried. You're happy-ish one minute, and crying and down the next.'

Silence hung between them, a ticking clock the only sound.

'Come on, I know you inside out and back to front. Secrets and you just don't get along, they eat you up inside. Just talk to me.'

More silence. And now Gemma could feel herself getting annoyed.

'Harry, be fair, you dragged me half way around the world, and abandoned me as soon as we got here. I deserve to know what's going on. If you don't tell me, and tell me now, I'm packing my bags and leaving tonight.'

She knew that was a low blow. But it had finally done the trick.

Harry's head snapped up out of his hands, eyes wide, staring at his sister in shock. 'I dragged you here! What do you mean I dragged you here? You begged me to come, for your career.'

Letting out a loud sigh Gemma fixed her little brother with a determined look, ‘Harry, we need to stop with the lying, it's a waste of time and energy.'

Getting angry himself now, Harry snapped back, _'_ What lying, what do you mean?' But even as the words left his mouth he realised Gemma had been on to him from the beginning. Had seen straight through him. From the airport, their conversation at home, in the club, on the flight back to the US, and most certainly now.

'Oh', was all Harry could muster, feeling embarrassed as the reality sunk in.

'Oh, indeed. I'm not an idiot. As soon as I saw you at the airport I knew something was wrong. I held you as a baby. We’ve made more memories together than I can put into words. But when you walked towards me in the airport I barely recognised you.'

Harry tried to jump in and protest, but Gemma just carried on not pausing for breath.

'And in the club, what the hell was that. You were wasted before we even got there. In the taxi our friends kept on giving me worried looks. We were all so concerned about you – I decided that night that I would come and stay with you for a bit. That night it seemed like you just wanted to get drunk and escape from something for a while.'

It was so quiet, Gemma only barely heard the whisper from her brother, 'I did want to escape.'

'Escape from what though, what were you trying to escape from?' Gemma gently questioned.

And the silence was back, heavier than ever.

'Harry, you have to tell me, I need to hear it from you'.

And now the silence was deafening.

'Harry, for fuck's sake, I already know. And I know you wanted me to hear what you said the club, when you were pretending to be asleep. I'm not totally naïve. But I need to you to say it now. Say it to me, and say it to yourself.'

Gemma had been so engrossed in what she was saying, she hadn't really looked at Harry too closely. In this latest silence she looked over and could see her little brother had his head in his hands, and he was shaking. He was crying, tears streaming down his face, dripping on to his lap.

Not being able to handle the tough love any longer, Gemma stood, walked over, and wrapped him in her arms, stroking his hair, trying to sooth the tears away. They stayed like that for a good few minutes. The crying easing off for a while, and then coming back in a new wave.

Gemma never eased her grip, and Harry clung on just as hard. Harry felt like a ship without an anchor, being tossed about and broken to pieces. The only thing he had to hold onto in that moment was Gemma. And he owed her honesty if nothing else.

‘It’s Louis, I’m in love with him.’

Wow. Harry hadn’t expected it to feel like that. Just saying it out loud to someone else: he felt like a tonne of bricks had been lifted. He still felt scared, and worried and anxious. But one thing he didn't feel anymore was confused. He'd never felt surer of anything. He loved Louis, and he had to try to make it work.

Gemma’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts, ‘Baby bro, that’s great. I'm so massively happy for you. But what's with all the drama? I'm no expert, but I think love's meant to swell your heart not rip it in half.'

Harry gave her a look she hadn't seen before. It was mainly sorrow, but there was relief and amusement in their too, 'Gem, when did you get so smart? You've been on to me the whole time. You're the best big sister anyone could ask for, I hope you know that.'

‘You'd do the same for me, and you know it.’ Gemma smiled back.

'What? Trick you into letting me travel around the world with you on the pretence of my career?’ Harry laughed now.

‘Yeah, ha, bloody, ha,' Gemma dead-panned, 'I'm not falling for the whole “distract her with compliments and humour” thing. Now I've got you talking, you may as well tell me what's going on with Louis. Why it's such a struggle?'

...

Put like that Harry really didn't know where to start. Sensing it, Gemma pulled him back into a hug and simply said, 'Just start from the beginning.'

So he did.

'I've never met anyone like Louis before. He’s just amazing. So strong, so loyal, clever, talented at everything, generous, caring, and a much better person than I could ever be.

'When we first met we clicked straight away, he's a total dork like me, and we’re into all the same things. But there was something else there between us, we never talked about what it was, never acted on it. But it was definitely there.

'I guess we fell much harder than we realised. And we were much more obvious than we thought we were being. It was easy to start with, we were in our own little bubble, caught up in each other.

‘The fans started to notice how close we were. And then I think our team started to worry about how rumours would affect us trying to break the US. And they never asked me before they changed things. Before they started to organise separate cars to events, to group us differently in interviews. The distance just became a thing, and it was hard to start with, really hard.  

‘But I felt like I owed everything to Simon. And they showed me the contracts we’d signed, pointed out that they could do what they were doing. And I felt like I had to go along with it, didn’t feel like I had any choice. But I can’t do it anymore, it’s killing me.  

'It's too hard; I closed myself off, played a part. But it’s eating me up inside. And I know now that I need him, I love him. And I don't care what I have to do, what I have to lose to get him to understand that.

'But I'm scared that he won't want me. I've made a right mess of things, going along with it all. Not being braver, not fighting harder. The media are going to eat me up and spit me out. Why would he want to be part of that mess?'

By the end of it Harry was in tears again, and so was Gemma. She'd never heard her brother sound so heartfelt and utterly broken.

Composing herself, she hugging Harry again, whispering into his hair, 'I think you need to stop talking to me and start talking to Louis. Don't assume anything. You're not going to know how he's feeling until you give him the chance to tell you. Don't run away and hide, face it. You might just get something, and someone, amazing at the end of it.'

….. 

'Just talk to him.'

'Mum, it's not that easy. If it was, I would’ve done it by now believe me.'

With a heavy sigh, but trying to be sympathetic, Jay pushed a little more. 'I know it's not easy, relationships never are. But honestly, I'm confused, what's the worst that could happen? What's worse than this weird limbo you two are in?'

They fell into silence after that. Not a stubborn silence. This was filled to the brim with thoughts and feelings. Jay listened, waiting while her son wrestled with the question she'd posed.

After what felt like an eternity, a very small voice came down the line, sounding tiny, vulnerable, childlike.

'I could lose him altogether. That's the worst thing that could happen. I don't think I would survive losing him.'

Trying to stay strong for her son, those words - those honest, heart breaking words - made Jay hold her breath and blink away the tears threatening to break free. Composing herself, and wishing she could hold him close, she paused, contemplating.

'But Louis, you do understand don't you? Unless you start being honest with each other, and talk about what's going on, you're going to end up losing him anyway.'

Louis sighed, in an odd sort of sad and resigned way. And Jay didn't know that her heart could be broken so easily. All it took was two words from her son to break it in half.

'I know.'

Jay tried desperately to pull herself back together, wiping at the tears streaming down her face, knowing she had to be staying strong for him.

'Mum, please don't cry. It's ok, really it is, I'm ok.' And Louis’ whole being cried out for a hug from his mum, to feel the comfort of her warm embrace.

'But love, it's not enough to be ok. You deserve to be happy. And I'm so worried about you. I understand that you're scared. Scared of losing him altogether if you go for this and it doesn't work out.

'You have to talk to him. Give it a chance, see what happens. I know your circumstances are difficult. But if you stay paralysed by the fear of what might go wrong, you're never going to know what the two of you are or aren't capable of being.'

They stayed quiet after that, until finally Louis whispered, scared to let the words out into the world, _'_ I know it's not enough to just be ok. I woke up in the middle of the night, missing the feeling of his lips on mine, missing the feeling of his arms around me, the smell of him. But Mum, I’m so scared. If we try to be something and it doesn't work we'll be left with nothing at all.'

Finally, fully able to compose herself, Jay hugged her phone to her ear, trying to will Louis to hear the wisdom in her words, ‘Love, you need to have more faith in yourself and in Harry. You read the note to me. Yes he's scared. But he loves you. And he's not going to change his mind about having you in his life just because the two of you decide to take a chance and risk being brave.'

The silence hung in the air, not as easy as earlier, and Jay wondered if she had gone too far. If she'd pushed him away. If the walls had gone back up again, like in the park all those weeks ago. But finally, finally, those two little words broke through the silence again.

'I know.'

And this time those two small, quiet words had a completely different tone to them. She could hear the small smile in her son’s voice.

'I know he loves me. And I know more than anything that I love him. That's the easy bit. The hard part is doing something about it. And what we risk by trying.

'But you're right, ok is not enough anymore. I need to speak to him. And I need to do it now before I change my mind again.'

And with that, ending the call with a few final tears, and promises to keep Jay updated, Louis closed the hotel room door behind him, with only one destination in mind.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Harry was hoping that the steam and heat from the shower would sober him up and stop his head from spinning. Drinking in the day was a bad idea. But after their long, tense, conversation, it hadn't taken much for Gemma to persuade him that hitting the mini bar was a good idea. In theory just what he needed to relax and think through what he was going to do next. In practice, not so much.

Letting his head rest against the tiled wall, hot water pummelling tense shoulder muscles, he took a moment to imagine how things could be. What the future could hold. A future of loving Louis instead of trying to ignore him. They were so young, Harry only just eighteen. But he knew Louis was it for him. He’d found the person he hadn’t even been looking for. Lucky to have found him so early in life. Images of going on holiday together, shopping together, celebrating birthday’s together, all drifted in the steam. So real he could almost touch them, grab them and hold them tight, will them into reality.

The water turning tepid brought him back to the present, not knowing if the change in temperature was the cause of the goose bumps covering his skin or the visions of their potential future. And as for what to do next, what to do to make that potential a reality. That was going to have to wait, for just a minute, as right then, getting out of the shower was suddenly all he could think about. The steam and moisture causing him to shift from a little drunk, to nauseous and claustrophobic.

Stepping out into the cold air of the bathroom, grabbing hold of the sink as a woozy feeling took over. 'Shit I need to lie down, I feel sick'.

Wandering into the master bedroom, lying down on the bed wrapped in a towel, he felt himself drift off to sleep. After what felt like only minutes, he woke to the buzzing of his phone, lying discarded on the floor. 

Bleary eyed, rubbing them hard and not trusting what he was seeing, his heart started beating heavily at the sight of Louis' name. Panicked thoughts of, _this is too soon, I'm not ready, shit, I’m still drunk,_ caused him to hesitate. 

But eventually, even thinking doubtful thoughts, he composed himself and answered the phone, readying himself for the conversation waiting at the other end of the line.

'Hi Lou. Are you ok?... I was asleep sorry, where are you?... Let you in where?... Oh...'

And his heart was beating so fast now, throat dry, palms tingling, not trusting himself to believe that Louis was just the other side of door.

'Just give me a minute, I need to get dressed’, and with that, ending the call, he had no choice but to get dressed and face Louis, whether he was ready or not.

Frantically pulling on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, he took a deep breath, a few steps, and opened the door.

……

Louis was halfway through an awkward 'Hi', trying to think of how to start the conversation when he noticed a look in Harry’s eyes that made him pause.

The air seemed to shift around them, time slowing down. Harry’s gaze fixed on Louis’ lips.

In one movement, Harry pulled him over the threshold, and was kissing him with a sloppy urgency Louis had never felt from him before. More than anything Louis wanted to kiss him back and never stop. But the taste of alcohol on his lips, and the sudden urgency of the kiss made him push Harry away.

And then the words came out in a hurry, 'Stop. It's too easy to do this, and it feels amazing. But it doesn't mean anything like this, not really.

'It's too painful. Doing this without knowing what it means. It's not fair. On either of us. We need to talk.'

…

Looking at Louis. Beautiful, stunning, Louis, standing in the doorway looking unsure, made every hair on Harry’s body stand on end. Shivering and shaking without realising it. He felt like he was on fire, electricity surging through his veins.

Thinking the remnants of thoughts, thoughts of their future, he felt the air shift between them, found his gaze dropping to Louis’ mouth. And suddenly, more than anything he needed to kiss him. Taking a single step forward, he pulled Louis to him, crashing their lips together.  

Getting swept up in the moment he'd waited so long for, letting it consume him, he tried to ignore his conscience, the tiny nagging voice in the back of his head, _Stop. It's too easy to do this….it doesn't mean anything like this, not really._

But it felt like it meant everything. Everything he'd been waiting for.

…

A determined push to the chest reminded him of where he was. Bewildered, and not sure what to do next with the distance now between them. Louis, wide eyed and staring at him with more intensity than he'd ever seen, made it clear to Harry that he’d crossed a line. He’d made a big mistake.

The words came tumbling out, no filter available, 'I'm sorry, please come back to me, I need you. I need you kissing me right now. You mean everything to me.'

And Louis shot back, passion blazing in his eyes, _'_ Of course you need me Harry. We've wanted this for months. Since we met really.’

Although still pretty drunk, Harry could tell from Louis' face that he was a long way from being finished and back in his arms.

Louis ploughed on, 'I want you so badly. And you're not helping; I pushed you away for a reason. We need to talk before this goes too far.’

'But….'

'But nothing Harry. Of course I want this. But, you’re not in a fit state to have this conversation now, we'll have it later. I'm not going anywhere.'

…..

Harry felt his whole body sag. Frustration didn't begin to explain it. Missing out on conversation and contact he'd been waiting so long for, and all because of a lousy drinking session. His stomach twisted with longing and worry. Worry that he’d ruined everything.

'Just go to bed for a bit and we'll talk later...’ motioning to the bedroom, Louis carried on, ‘...don't worry; I'm not going to let you off the hook that easily.'

…...

'This is a bad idea, a bad, bad idea.'

But even thinking it, Louis slipped into bed next to a gently snoring Harry.

Getting him into bed had been something of a challenge. For some reason, giving him permission to sleep it off, had also given Harry permission to turn into a dead weight. And even though he was younger than Louis, he was taller and heavier, and being really, really annoying. 'Louis, come here, snuggle with me', he murmured, reaching out and trying to grab Louis' wrist.

'No I think I'm ok over here.' Louis said, trying to remove Harry’s socks and necklace from a safe distance.

But exhausted, after the war of the layers, the sight of Harry sleeping so soundly was too tempting. 'I need to be here to keep an eye on him, make sure he's ok. Nothing's going to happen.’

And true to his word nothing happened. As long as being the big spoon to the person you love, and you're pretty sure loves you back, counts as nothing.

…..

'Hey you.' Harry yawned, waking up.

'Hey you too.'

'So I guess we need to talk; we can't keep on throwing ourselves at each other like this.' Harry said, with a small, slightly timid smile.

'Excuse me’, Louis shot back, ‘I think you'll find there was only one person doing the throwing round here. I never knew I was so good at catching until a couple of hours ago.'

And remembering the drunken mess he'd been made Harry blush and squirm. 'Fair point. And, I am sorry, really, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.’

Louis was the one blushing now as he spoke, ‘Well I do seem to be sharing a bed with you right now, so there’s that, as far as boundaries go. But thank you, apology accepted.’

Harry was grinning now, and found Louis' hand, tangling their fingers together.

After what felt like an eternity, it was Harry who spoke first. ‘What's going on with us Lou?'

And the question hung in the air like a lead balloon.

…….

'How is this fair, how can we know what we're meant to be doing, We don't even know what _us_ is'

And Louis sighed a hard, tired sigh, 'Well that’s why we need to talk about it. But come on Harry, I know we've never said it in so many words but we both know what this is. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.

'And all these questions and worries, I know we need to talk and find answers. But I think you love me too. What are we afraid of? What are we waiting for?’

It was Harry's turn now, ‘It’s not people knowing about us, or even coming out really that I’m worried about. I don't care what people think about me when it comes to that. I love who I love, and I love you. I love you so much.'

Louis' breathe caught in his throat and the relief was palpable. He'd been nearly sure that Harry was in love with him. But hearing him say it was something else. And the fact that Harry had considered, and wasn’t worried, about coming out. Even though they weren’t at that point yet. They could overcome anything.

He could hear the lightness in his own voice, 'I love you too Harry, so much. And if it's not that what is it? I’m sure we can make it work whatever it is.'

A look of worry, shame and panic crossed Harry's face in a flash. And Louis immediately backtracked on his thought that this was going to be easy.

….

'I know it sounds stupid, but less than two years ago I was a nobody.' Harry whispered.

'I would still be a nobody, maybe at Uni, maybe still at the bakery if it weren't for Simon. He's the reason for all this, without him I’d still be fooling myself into thinking I was going to be somebody. I feel like I owe him everything.' And tears appeared in his eyes and streamed down his face in hot, angry rivers.

‘Harry, you were, are, and always will be, someone incredible. Don't ever think otherwise, it's just not true.'

And Louis hurt for him. Even saying the words. He knew they were easy to say and hard to feel and believe.

'Thank you, I just wish I could believe it' and Harry wept again.

Without even meaning to, Louis was kissing Harry's hot tears away. Placing gentle butterfly kisses to his cheekbones, his eyelids, and his jaw where the tears collected and fell. Swallowing them, urging them to stop and be replaced with that smile, those dimples he loved so much. He whispering words that he meant every ounce of.

'I love you with my whole world, please believe that.'

And this time the kiss did mean something; in fact it meant everything.

_……._

The air was hot and heavy, the only sounds soft and gentle notes of passion and want. After months of waiting, finally, finally just letting go, and feeling, was wonderful.

They lay together, savouring every moment, each still worried and unsure of what the future would hold. Neither particularly experienced in love or relationships, but pushing the worries and nerves to the back of some shared subconscious, in that moment, it felt right. It felt solid and built on something sturdy.

The kiss carried on for a beautifully long time. Neither wanted to be the one to do anything to break the spell they were under. There was passion there that was for sure, bubbling under and breaking to the surface in short, sharp shocks of emotion. But more than anything there was a comfort and an ease in each touch and taste. In the way Louis' tongue skimmed the roof of Harry's mouth, in the way they exchanged sighs and caresses. In each movement, emotion and feeling.

But in the end, in some unspoken agreement, they wrenched themselves away from each other. And they just lay, tangled up together, deep in thought, consumed by what they were feeling.

Neither looked at each other or spoke for a long time. But there was no awkwardness or tension in the air. In fact, the air crackled with possibility, new beginnings, fresh green shoots of something neither had really believed was possible.

Louis was the first to speak. 'I was a nobody too you know. Struggling to make it out of Doncaster. I owe Simon just as much as you do, if not more.'

And he carried on, not letting Harry cut in, 'But if I have to, I'll give it all up. None of it's worth anything if I don't have you. Money, fame, acceptance. What's it worth if I let the most important thing in my life slip through my fingers. I would never forgive myself.'

The crack of emotion was right at the surface as Harry spoke, wide-eyed and almost stunned into a stupor, _'_ You...I would give up anything for you. But I was never sure you felt the same way.'

And they were tangled back together again. In a kiss that this time spoke of relief, devotion and love. Pure, soul searching love.

There was a lot that still needed unravelling, not least Simon’s stance on things. But the foundations were strong and in place. Each knew what they were willing to lose. And losing each other was not an option.

….

It was only just 9am. They'd covered so much ground. Laid themselves bare, talked about everything and nothing. All in the hours when the rest of the word was sleeping.

In a way, knowing they were alone, that they had the night to themselves, for the hundreds of thoughts and feelings they needed to put out into the world, had been reassuring. The darkness outside, and the stillness, had made them feel safe. In a vacuum of their own making.

But now, as the sun started to rise, the mood started to shift, and the deep, heartfelt conversations didn't come quite so easily. Didn't feel quite so necessary.

It might not have been ground breaking, or deep, but the words that left Harry’s lips were more important than he could have realised. 'Let's just do something fun this weekend. No more talking. Let's just do. Let's just be.'

And the shared smiles that passed between them said it all. This weekend was going to be a good one. Important, and normal. Just what they needed. Just what they had never had.

…….

'What shall we do then?' and there was real curiosity in Louis' voice. The idea of doing something 'normal' feeling like an alien concept. Sure they had spent many an afternoon in the comfort of movie marathons and writing sessions. But that was before. Before the distance. Before they had been honest about what they were to each other.

'We could just stay here?' Harry asked hopefully.

And Louis smiled gently as he said it, 'No, we need to stop hiding away. Even if we don't mean to, that's what we're doing at the moment. Let's get out in the real world and make some memories.'

And Harry was grinning now, 'Memories, I can do memories. What about...the zoo?!'

'Erm, yeah, ok, a bit random, why? And where?’ Louis asked.

'When I was little I used to love the zoo. I used to truly believe I could talk to the monkeys. I'd literally stand there all day and chat to them. I swear I could. Gem used to think I was weird; she'd leave us in “conversation” and go off and explore. I don't remember, but she says that when she got back I'd still be listening intently and chatting away with them.

'I haven't been to Chester Zoo in years. I'd like to go there again with you some day. But for now, I'm sure LA must have a zoo, right? And you have to promise not to laugh at me.’

'I promise I won't laugh at you', Louis stuttered, shoulders shaking.

'You can't promise not to laugh at me _while_ you're laughing at me.' Harry huffed, through his own grin.

'Come on, I'm just getting it out of my system. I really do still have a lot to learn about you.' Louis marvelled, tapering off with a, 'I can't wait to learn it all.'


	6. Chapter 6

For some reason Harry chose a zoo that was was a long drive from LA. Louis knew there were plenty nearer, but went with it, intrigued.

They took a hire car organised by the hotel. And the drive itself became one of their first new memories together. Memories of holding hands, chatting about everything and nothing and just being. Getting to know each other again as people. Miles away from their worries and responsibilities.

In the quieter moments Louis took the opportunity to really look at Harry. It’d been a long time since he’d just spent time looking at him without having to worry about it. And looking now, Harry was just beautiful. Probably the most beautiful person Louis had ever seen. Physically, of course; gorgeous green eyes that looked like they had seen magical things; stunning lips that Louis now knew the feel of; a mop of shiny curls that Louis couldn’t wait to sink his fingers into; delicate wrists leading to large hands that Louis could imagine doing all manner of things to him. He wasn’t embarrassed of those thoughts now, not when he knew for sure that Harry felt the same way. But not just physically, Harry had a beautiful spirit as well; looking at him now, relaxed and carefree, He emitted a joy so pure, Louis wanted to write songs about him, sing them at the top of his lungs to anyone that would listen.

Dragging his gaze away, back to the view out of the window, roads became smaller and more rural, headed towards Orange County. And gradually it dawned on him, like a soft unveiling of something precious and prized. 'So that's why you picked a zoo that was so far away.' Louis said with a soft smile.

'Sorry what?' and with his best impression of unwitting innocence, Harry looked back with a small smile playing on those lips, a glint of excitement in those beautiful green eyes.

'I've worked you out, and it’s really sweet. Giving us some space, somewhere we’re less likely to get recognised, some time to just be ourselves. To start making new memories.'

Pulling into the small car park and coming to a halt, with laughter in his voice, Harry leaned across the gear stick, and whispered, hot, into Louis’ ear, ‘That’s me, sweet all over.’

And if Louis had gone bright red in that moment, and had to give it a couple of minutes before getting out of the car. Well, he was glad, really glad, that Harry could see the effect he had on him. He deserved to know.  
….

Composed now, and with a spring in his step, Louis pulled Harry along, chatting excitedly as they moved towards the entrance. 'Come on let's go talk to those monkeys. I can hear them from here, they're English cousins have told them all about you!’'

And Harry laughed, holding Louis’ hand even tighter, 'Yep, you really are the one for me.’  
…..

They wandered through the little zoo, quiet on a weekday afternoon, feeling anonymous for the first time in years. Getting carried away in the gift shop, they ended up in matching baseball caps with ‘OC Zoo...Get Wild’ emblazoned on them.

As they walked further, shoulders bumping, Louis nudged Harry, looking at him and smiling, ‘That cap suits you Curly, you should get a job here!’, and in mock offence Harry grabbed Louis’ cap, and plonked it on his head backwards, ‘Well Lou, you look far too hot in your’s. If you got a job here the customer’s wouldn’t bother with the animals, they’d just be looking at you.’

With that, Louis took off, twirling, shouting as he spun, ‘Well Hazza, I can’t help it if I’m irresistible can I!” And no, no he couldn't, and if Harry took that moment to look at Louis’ arse, emphasised by the jeans he was wearing. Well, no one could blame him.

Coming to a wobbly halt, Louis took Harry’s hand once again, and with a theatrical flourish, led the way, ‘Come on Curly, off to see those monkeys.’

…..

'Harry, cheer up, it's not the end of the world. Come on, there's loads of other things to do here. I see a polar bear over there, it's HUGE! Oh my god, I never believed it when they said they were like 12 foot tall! And his hand really is the size of my head!

'And penguins too! Harry look! They're just like me, loads of energy and don’t know what to do with it! What are they doing? Do they even know what they're doing? Do they want to swim, or do they want to fly? I think they want to be a bird and a fish and can't decide!’

Louis was trying, and failing, to distract Harry from the fact that there were no monkeys. They’d scoured the whole zoo, and there was not one single, solitary, monkey to be found.

Louis literally bounced on the spot, he was excited in his own right. Doing something just for fun was rare. and he was also trying to spread how he was feeling to the man next to him. But Harry, whether he meant to or not, was resolutely down in the dumps and looked like he was on the verge of throwing the mother of all tantrums.

'But, but I can't believe it, what kind of zoo is this?!’' And the pout was unintentional and absolutely adorable. More appropriate for a five year old really, but Harry wasn't acting or looking for attention, he really felt it, and in Louis' eyes that meant he could carry it off.

'Oh babe, come on, so they decided not to have monkeys anymore. That's ok. They still have hundreds of other animals we can talk to!'

'But Lou, I really felt like I could tell them how I was feeling. They were such good listeners.'

They sulked their way around the zoo for another hour or so, looking at parrots, snakes, lemurs, marmosets (not ‘proper monkeys’ apparently), some sort of yellow-spotted lizard thing, mice, meerkats and finally a very grumpy and sedentary looking walrus.

It was the grumpy walrus that did it. Finally Louis decided that the sulking had to stop.

'Enough, enough. I'm sorry; I know this meant a lot to you. And I am not saying it's silly. But wasn't the point of today, and this weekend, us having fun together? Just because some of your furry friends weren't here doesn't mean that's changed. Were still meant to be having fun!’

They carried on exploring the zoo and the park until it started to get dark. Harry finally letting go of the monkey no-show, and enjoying himself again. And as the afternoon drifted into dusk, the zoo got even quieter. And that meant a lot of time hugging Louis, chatting with Louis, and staring at Louis in adoration. Harry hadn't realised how much catching up they had to do, how much he’d missed him. Those months of separation meant he felt the need to make the most of every second they spent together. 

The drive back to their hotel felt comfortable and easy. And they both got the best night's sleep they could remember having in months, tangled up together in Louis’ bed, Louis holding Harry close.

………...

'Hey you'

'Hey you too' Harry smiled, welcoming Louis into the day.

'Breakfast?' Louis asked, muffling a yawn with his hand.

Still lying drowsily in bed, debating what to do for breakfast, drifting off into half-sleep, Louis hadn't noticed that Harry had stopped talking, he’d been too distracted by how cosy he felt. Soft kisses along his collarbone soon had him more alert and paying attention to what Harry was doing.

Looking up at him softly, kissing him deep and lazily. Harry pulled back, and started to suck and kiss along Louis collarbone again, biting at the junction between his jaw and neck, making Louis gasp and let out an involuntary groan. He carried on, kissing and sucking his way down his chest, stopping at each nipple, grazing each one with his teeth, causing Louis to let out another soft moan.

Pulling Harry back up, up to eye level, they kissed again, hot and breathy this time. Breaking apart for a second, Harry licked into Louis’ ear, whispering, sending sparks through his whole body. ‘Lou, can I give you a blow job? I really want to taste you. Was dreaming about it, it was so good, you were so good, please let me?’ And lost for words, Louis nodded and felt himself tremble as Harry continued his journey down.

It felt like the best kind of torture, Louis knew that neither of them were very experienced, but Harry had a way of taking his time, slowly, inch by torturous inch, making him fall apart. Paying equal attention to every part of Louis' body, nibbling down his sides, nuzzling and licking under his arms, taking each finger into his mouth sucking and grazing with his teeth, placing a gentle kiss to each palm, swiping a strip down the centre of Louis stomach, licking and sucking at his belly button, biting at each hipbone, kneading and nipping at the inside of his thighs, breathing in deeply where his thighs met with thicker hair. Stopping, he looked up, waiting for Louis’ go-ahead.

Shakily opening his eyes, it was almost too much for Louis to handle, the sight of the man in front of him. Gorgeous, beautiful Harry, asking his permission for something he never thought would become a reality. Managing to form words, ‘Of course, please Harry...feels so good.’

Sinking back down between Louis spread legs, Harry bit on the inside of each of Louis’ thighs, causing him to buck his hips and let out a moan of intense pleasure. Finally, finally, Harry wrapped one saliva-slick hand around the base of Louis’ cock, laying his other arm across Louis’ hips, holding him down. Moving and twisting his hand at a leisurely pace, Harry licked a stripe behind Louis’ balls, taking them in his mouth and gently sucking. ‘Oh god, yes, Harry….that feels...that feels…’ but before he’d fully formed that thought, Harry sunk down, replacing his hand with his hot, wet, glorious mouth, ‘Fuck, Harry, fuck, oh god, you feel amazing, please don’t stop…oh...’ Licking along the underside of Louis’ cock, taking the whole length in his mouth, and twirling his tongue around the head, Harry started to pick up speed, bobbing quickly, deeply, each time, causing Louis' cock to hit the back of his throat.

Louis could hear himself, so loud, moaning and gasping and groaning. Letting out soft, needy panting sounds with every move Harry made, feeling himself edging closer and closer to the pleasure growing deep inside of himself. He could feel Harry was having to hold him down now, using the arm across his hips to stop him from bucking up. Teetering on the edge, Harry still taking him in deeply, sucking tightly, swirling his tongue in a way that had Louis hanging on by a thread. Then suddenly, gently, Harry was running a finger down the cleft of Louis’ arse, just grazing his hole, back and forth, back and forth. And that was it, that was what tipped him over the edge. Louis was pulsing, hot, down Harry’s throat, hands tangled in his hair, thighs clamped around his head, with Harry swallowing every drop.

Louis felt like he was sinking into the mattress, his body felt heavy and weighed down. After who knows how long, he came to, just enough to pull Harry up and in for a kiss, hard and full of meaning. And looking at Harry now, pulling him into a tight embrace, he felt in awe of the man in his arms, ‘Harry...that was incredible, you’re unbelievable. I’ve never felt anything like that…I love you so fucking much.’

And he felt Harry shudder in his arms, bite down on his shoulder and let out a long, deep moan of his own, come painting long white stripes on Louis' stomach. Burying his head in Louis’ hair, he whispered, quiet, shakily, ‘That’s what you do to me Lou, seeing you fall apart, hearing you say you love me, that’s what it does to me. That's what you do to me.’

…


	7. Chapter 7

Harry drifted in and out of sleep, warm and nestled into the blankets, only the rumbling of his own stomach finally rousing him into a semi-awake state. He stretched, freeing himself from the blanket cocoon, ready to restart the breakfast conversation he’d distracted them from earlier. Turning, he’d expected to see Louis, either still asleep, or waiting for him to wake up. What he hadn’t expected was to be met only by a crumpled expanse of empty bed.

‘Lou, morning again!’, he shouted, no reply, ‘Lou, come back to bed and we can decide on breakfast…’ a little louder, still nothing. Finally getting out of bed, Harry made his way over to Louis’ still-packed suitcases in the middle of the room, looking for a pair of boxers.

He’d just found a pair and was pulling them on, stomach still growling in hunger. Distracted and unaware, the delicate hands coming to rest on his hips made him jump. They were followed by gentle kisses placed to the back of his neck and Louis pressing against him from behind, crowding into him. Still pressed up to Harry, Louis, now drawing small circles on each of Harry’s hip bones, whispered, ‘I’ve got a surprise for you...I hope you like it...’

With that, Louis moved his hands from where they had been resting and covered Harry’s eyes. Not knowing where they were headed now, Harry placed his trust in Louis to know that whatever this surprise was, he’d like it. After a few steps he felt the carpet from the bedroom turn into cold tile. He could feel warm, damp, steam on his skin, scents of orange and ginger hanging in the air. Still ‘blindfolded’ Louis guided him across what Harry had worked out was the en-suite and said, ‘I need my hands back for a minute, but it’s still a surprise, so you need to keep your eyes shut.’ Harry just nodded, agreeing.

Standing there with his eyes shut, a second or two passed before he felt Louis’ hands at his hips again, this time gently pulling down the boxers he was wearing, Louis lifting each foot for him so he could step out of them. ‘Can I open my eyes yet?’

‘Just a couple more seconds love, not much longer now.’ And stood there, naked, eyes still shut, he heard the soft sounds of water lapping. ‘Open your eyes’, Louis said with tenderness clear in his voice.

And as he opened his eyes, Harry was met by a truly stunning sight. Blind closed, candles dotted around the room, and Louis, beautiful, gorgeous Louis, in a bath full of bubbles. ‘Come and join me curly, I thought it would be a nice way to wake up.’ Harry shook himself out of the trance he'd been in and stepped into the water, sinking down. Submerged, he lay there for a moment, taking in the sight of the man in front of him. It felt like such an intimate thing to be doing, tender. He found himself feeling strangely overwhelmed by it all. Only a few days ago, none of this had even felt like a possibility. And, here, now, he was surrounded by candles, sharing a bath with the man he loved.

Breaking into his thoughts, Louis nudged at his foot under the water, tangling their ankles together. ‘Babe, why don’t you come up here, this bath’s massive, we can both fit at this end.’ And reaching out a hand, Louis gently navigated Harry to fit between his thighs, guiding him to lean back against him. Water sloshing around them, they stayed quiet, just enjoying the feeling of closeness, relaxing, pressed flush to one another. ‘I love your hair you know, it’s one of my favourite things about you, one of the first things I noticed about you. I’m sorry about this morning, I bet I left loads of tangles in it…’ and as he spoke he ran his fingers through Harry’s hair, trying to gently undo the knots he'd caused. ‘Can I wash your hair? I’d really like to do that for you.’ And turning so that he could look at him, Harry said, still a little overwhelmed, ‘I’d really like you to do that too.’

It turned out that Louis had gifted hands, washing Harry’s hair, smoothing conditioner through it, and giving Harry the best scalp massage he’d ever experienced. He hadn’t realised he was doing it, letting out soft sighs and moans as Louis worked on his scalp, rubbing little circles, and tugging at his hair now and again. Louis’ hands shifted lower, massaging his neck and shoulders, straying further to rub hard, strong lines up and down his back, before dropping lower still kneading at his hips. All the while Louis was sucking at Harry’s neck, biting just the right side of painful. ‘Louis please, please…’ Harry heard himself whimper. ‘Please what, babe?’ Louis nibbled and smiled into the back of Harry’s neck. ‘Lou, please...please, I know you were just washing my hair, but..but, I need you.’ And before he’d even finished asking for it, Louis’ hand was wrapped around his cock. Hand still slick with conditioner, sliding and slipping, starting slowly, gradually building to a relentless pace. Water sploshing over the edge of the bath and soaking the floor, soft candle light wrapping them in a heat and intensity that only seemed to fuel them on. ‘Oh fuck, that feels so good, oh Lou, I’m so close…’ And with two more quick strokes Harry was coming hard, white stripes coating his chest up to his collarbones.

They lay there, Harry recovering, and Louis grinding gently behind him letting out little sounds of his own. Grinding harder and with more purpose, finally Louis took hold of his own neglected cock, and with a couple of desperate tugs was coming himself, shooting up Harry’s back and into the bubbles floating on the surface of the water.

Luxuriating in the warmth of the water, they kissed as their combined highs ebbed away. Louis the first to speak, ‘Love, we better get out now, we’re going all wrinkly in the water, let’s put those fluffy hotel robes on and spend the rest of the day in bed.’ And that sounded like best plan for a day Harry had heard in a long time.

………….

‘Louis! Honestly, you’re such a northern stereotype! I can’t believe you actually brought Yorkshire Tea with you.’

‘Don’t judge Curly, you know you love it. You love me.’

‘Obviously, Lou.’

‘Obviously.’

A loud knock at the door put a halt to their banter. Both looking at each other in silence.

Whispering, Louis said, ‘Who is it? We can’t let anyone see us like this…’

More knocking, this time though accompanied by scratching at the door.

‘What the hell?’ Harry said clutching his tea to his chest as if it could protect him.

And another knock, harder this time, along with a shout of ‘Louis, Louis are you in there?’

‘Liam? what does he want Lou?’ Harry whispered looking genuinely worried now.

Another knock.

‘I don’t know, but he’s not going away. Just go to my room and I’ll get rid of him.’

Not having to be told twice, Harry hurried off to the bedroom, while Louis made his way to the door with a shout of ‘Coming Liam!’

………

Opening the door, Louis was confronted by not just Liam, but Liam and Mabel. Mabel who was trying to wriggle her way out of Liam’s arms.

Stepping into the room, not waiting for an invite, Liam took one look at Louis and shrugged, ‘Late one last night mate? Only just getting up?’

Trying to sound calm and casual, Louis muttered into his tea, ‘Yeah, you know, jet-lag messes with my sleep.’

‘Well, buddy, me and Mabel here have come to keep you company, haven’t we Mabel?’ And with that Mabel managed to wriggle her way out of Liam’s arms, sprinting across the room towards the master bedroom.

‘Sorry mate, she’s a nightmare, partly why I’m here really, thought she’d be better with a change of scenery.’ and just like that, Liam was up and off in pursuit of her.

‘Liam, Liam wait…’

But it was too late. By the time Louis had caught up, Mabel was on the bed trying to get under the covers. Harry was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, still in the robe. And Liam, Liam was looking between the two of them with an odd mixture of amusement and confusion.

‘Well. ok then. Let’s hear it.’ was all he said before walking back into the living room and plonking down on the sofa.

………….

Trying to play dumb didn’t work, Harry’s acting skills failing him, ‘Hear what Liam, nothing to hear here.’

And honestly, Louis could have slapped Harry if he didn’t love him so much.

‘Well, I’m no genius, but don’t you two have your own rooms now? And yet you’re both here, in Louis’ room, in bathrobes. And Louis…’ reaching over to move the neckline of Louis’ robe to one side, ‘yep, and Louis has either been in a fight with someone with _really, really_ tiny fists, or he’s covered in love bites. So, yeah, I think there is something to hear here.’

A shared, worried look between the two of them, and they knew that they’d been found out. Nodding to each other, deciding that the ‘ripping the band aid off’ approach was best, it was Louis that launched into it.

‘Well Liam, Harry and I are together and we’re in love. We’ve been in love for ages really, but the being together bit, that’s the new bit. So yeah, that’s what’s going on.’

And Liam, he looked ridiculously happy more than anything. Getting up and hugging them both, pulling back, looking between them, grinning, ‘That’s amazing guys, I’m so happy for you. I knew there was something there, you’d have had to have been a total idiot not to see it.

‘But I thought something had happened, a while ago. Seemed like you’d had a huge fight or something. Didn’t want to ask though. Thought I’d let you sort it out in your own time. And here we are, you have sorted it out!’

‘Yeah, about sorting it out’, Harry said hesitantly, ‘We’ve talked everything though and sorted us out, but I’m not sure you know the half of it to be honest. There was never any fight, nothing like that.’

Having made himself at home on the sofa, Mabel in his lap, Liam looked between them again, ‘Well if there wasn’t a fight or anything, what happened?’

………

Harry and Louis took it in turns to fill Liam in on the reasons they’d been so distant with each other. How much pain it had caused both of them. How they’d realised that even though they owed Simon for so much, that they couldn’t carry on as they were. That some things were more important than fame, or money, or opportunities. That there was no point in having any of that if you lost the biggest part of yourself in the process.

And Liam just listened quietly, taking it all in. By the end of it he was in tears, and Harry and Louis were close to it.

Liam was the first to speak, ‘My god, I had no idea, no idea how much you’ve had to go through. I honestly just thought you’d fallen out.’

There was a pause before he spoke again, ‘Obviously I support you one hundred percent, and the other boys will too. But what are you going to do when Simon gets here? It’s just rehearsals now, but you know he’ll be here soon. And unless you want to go back to ignoring each other when he’s around, you’ll have to talk to him.’

‘We know we do Liam.’ Louis spoke for both of them, grabbing Harry’s hand and holding it tight, ‘We know. But we’ve only had this, us, for a few days. So we’ll just enjoy it for now. And we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.’


	8. Chapter 8

Liam and Mabel stayed late into the evening. All talked out, they decided on a room service dinner of pizza and hotdogs. It was a safer bet than trying to find somewhere local to eat, especially with Mabel, who was still in her seemingly never-ending ‘shoe chewing and peeing on the carpet’ phase.

Stuffed and sleepy, Harry lounged at one end of the biggest sofa, Mabel curled up on his lap, nibbling at his fingers with her needily puppy teeth. Louis, looking over at Mabel with only a hint of jealously, settled next to Harry, pressed flush to his side, playing idly with one of his curls.

The evening passed by comfortably, Louis and Liam chatting about random topics, including, but not limited to; whether custom Vans were cool or trying too hard; the merits of The Avengers vs XMen; and who’d win in a fight, cats or dogs. Depending on Harry for moral support, Louis started, ‘Hazza, you’re with me on the cat thing? Claws _and_ teeth, and sneaky too, it’s got to give them an edge, right?’  

With no reply coming, and a ‘Shhhh’ from Liam, Louis turned to face Harry, and was met by one of the most adorable things he’d ever seen. Harry, face soft and relaxed, sleeping soundly, curled up with Mabel held loosely to his chest, both snoring gently. Wanting to capture the moment, Louis grabbed his phone, smiling as he took photo after photo. A cough from across the room startled him out of the moment. He pocketed his phone, turning his attention back to Liam, looking a bit sheepish, as he said, ‘So yeah, definitely cats, cats win.’  

‘So which ones going to be your lock screen then Tommo? You haven’t got many to choose from, maybe take a couple more just to be on the safe side!’ and Liam looked smug as he said it, ducking and dodging the bit of pizza crust Louis chucked at him in revenge.

…..

The late night with their unexpected guests led to a deep and peaceful sleep. Sharing their news with their friend felt like a weight lifted. They slept, tangled together, Harry snuggled back into Louis, Louis with his arm draped around Harry’s waist, face nuzzled into his hair.

A phone ringing in the living room finally signalled the start of a new day. Not bothering to get up and answer it at first, letting it ring and ring, finally after a sleep-blurred amount of time had passed, Harry turned in Louis’ arms to face him. Noses touching, lips gently meeting.

‘Hey Lou.’

‘Hey you too.’

‘Isn’t that the ringtone for your mum?’

Louis stretched, trying to wake up, talking though a yawn that was infectious, ‘Yep, better go and call her back, see what she wants.’

…..

Getting up, and padding into the other room, he tracked his phone down, wedged between the cushions on the sofa. Smiling at the photo of Harry and Mabel as he unlocked it, seeing that his mum only actually called once, the rest voicemails.

Making two teas, leaning on the kitchen counter he called his mum. Jay answering on the first ring, ‘Wow Mum, it’s like you were expecting me to call or something’, Louis laughed down the line.

Jay sounded a lot happier than the last time they’d spoken. But it didn’t stop her from telling him off, ‘Well, yes Louis I was, I thought we were supposed to be checking in with each other more often. You know, after we spoke last time. It’s been nearly a week!’

‘I know mum, I know, I’ve just been a bit...distracted.’ And Louis knew how his mum’s mind worked, could tell exactly what her next question was going to be.

‘Oh right Louis, distracted. Distracted how exactly?’ Jay teased, amusement clear in her voice.

…..

Louis hadn’t heard Harry get up, hadn’t heard him walk quietly to the living area, leaning in the doorway. Harry hadn’t really thought about it, had heard the kettle boiling and had come to get his tea. But now, now he was intrigued to hear where this conversation was going.

Remaining still and quiet, with Louis’ back to him, he waited, interested to hear at least one side of the phone call.

…..

‘Mum, I’m not going to give you _those_ kind of details’, and Harry could hear the smile in Louis’ voice.

‘Ok fine, yes, yes I did talk to him’......’It went well, yeah it went really, really well. We talked everything though and we both feel the same.’......’I know, yeah we both know it’s not going to be easy, but we love each other. And we’ve agreed that we’re not going to lose each other again.’.....’Only Liam knows’...’Yeah he was great, really, really happy for us, so that’s good. I guess we’ll tell the other boys soon. Just need to talk to Harry about what he wants to do.’

Hearing his own name snapped Harry out of his eavesdropping. He felt a little bit guilty listening in, but it was all stuff they’d already talked about, so in his own mind that meant it was ok.

….'He’s amazing mum, I can’t believe I coped for so long without being able to be with him.’...'He makes me so happy, And he seems really happy too. We went to the zoo the other day’...’yes, the zoo mum, and I was watching him driving us there and I couldn't believe he was mine. I’m so lucky.’....’I know we’re young, but he’s just it for me, I know he is.’

Louis went quiet for a while, Jay speaking on the other end of the line, and Harry could see Louis nodding, agreeing with whatever it was she was saying. Finally, a last, ‘I know mum, yeah we will’ and Louis was saying goodbyes and love you’s, wrapping up the call.  

…..

Ending the call and taking a sip of tea, thinking about the conversation he’d just had with his mum, he felt a strong pair of arms come to rest around his waist, soft kisses to the nape of his neck, and a quiet, emotional, ‘You’re it for me too you know Lou, really you are.’

And turning in Harry’s arms, looking into each other's eyes, foreheads touching, noses rubbing gentle Eskimo kisses before their lips met, they sighing into it, warmth and a feeling of home surrounding them. Louis revelled in the feel of Harry’s tongue running along the roof of his mouth, hard and needy, meeting him with an equal passion, biting at his lower lip, teeth clattering together in a rush.

Breaking apart, looking at each other with emotion neither could really put into words, Louis shared the only thought he could grasp hold of; ‘I’m so lucky to have found you Harry’, and in response a quiet, intimate, ‘I am so lucky to have found you too Lou.’

…

An hour or so later, they were showered and ready to make the most of the day. Final rehearsals were due to begin in just a couple of days, bringing with it early starts, late nights, structure, and eventually Simon. They hadn’t discussed what they wanted to do, what they wanted to say to him, since Liam had brought it up the evening before. Didn’t want to think about it just yet. But, discussed or not, it lingered in the recesses of both of their minds; just waiting for the moment when it would have to be laid out, faced up to, and an approach agreed upon.

Until then, there were more immediately pressing matters to deal with.

Pulling on a beanie and sunglasses as instructed, dressed down in jeans and a hoodie, Louis caught Harry’s hand in his, and pulling him towards him, asked, confusion clear in his voice, ‘Where are we going H? And why are you dressing us up like boyband ninjas?’

'I'm only taking you out for breakfast Lou, no need to panic.' Harry smiled, putting his own beanie on, pulling it down low to meet the upper edge of his sunglasses, ‘But we need to do it on the down-low, don’t want to get spotted!’   

Sneaking down the hotel corridor and into the lift, giggling at the ‘covert’ nature of it all, they tip-toed through the lobby, and purely for dramatic effect, darted behind a row of large potted plants in reception, before finally breaking out into the LA sunshine.

Dragging Louis along, away from the hotel, down the main road and taking lefts and rights, they soon left the bustle behind them. Just a road or two back from the tourists and locals rushing about, the streets became quieter, more low key. They bumped shoulders as they walked, not quite deserted enough to risk holding hands.

‘So where exactly are you taking me Curly?’ Louis asked, hat and ridiculously large sunglasses obscuring most of his face.

Not answering, just continuing to lead the way, they took one more left, and then, ‘Ta-dah! I’m taking you here Lou!’

And in front of them stood a rather basic, slightly shabby looking diner, neon sign bright even in the late morning sun.

With a shrug, and a ‘Well ok then’ from Louis, they walked in, bell above the door ringing to announce their arrival.

The aroma of fried food hitting them as soon as they walked through the door, they found a booth in the far corner, both of them sitting on one side, pressed close. Tangling their fingers together under the table, knocking ankles, Harry spoke first, ‘We don’t need to keep our disguises on in here. Come here a lot when we’re in LA, I’ve never been spotted by a fan, and the couple that own it aren’t exactly our target market.’

With a laugh and a squeeze to Harry’s hand, they both discarded their beanies and sunglasses, pausing only for a second to make sure no one had recognised them.

…

Noticing that Louis had his mouth full with another rasher of bacon, Harry took a deep breath, and spoke, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice.

‘Lou, I haven't brought you here by chance. There's a reason.' And Harry smiled shyly as he spoke.

'I know. The breakfast was brilliant. Thank you! Best place I've been to in a long time.'

'Look to your right Lou.'

'Um ok...' and Louis turned, taking in the sight of the baby grand piano crammed into the corner of the diner. 'Erm…why is that here?'

'Well the owner plays a bit and likes the look of it. But I thought you could really make use of it. For me. Away from everyone…' Looking around, in the time they’d taken to eat, they were now the only people there.

'Do you want to know when I knew I was in love with you?' And Harry looked deadly serious as he spoke.

'It was at judge’s houses. You were already my favourite person, but seeing you come back from hospital, holding you in my arms, that’s when I knew I loved you. And when we sang Torn, thinking about the lyrics, that was when I knew that I was _in love_ with you. And don't laugh, I know it's not exactly a romantic song.

'But it made me realise how heartbroken I’d be if we were together, in love, and then I lost you.

'I’ve wanted to hear you play it ever since. Want to hear your voice when you play it just to me. Please.' And there were the beginning of tears in Harry’s eyes now.

Looking overwhelmed, but understanding, Louis held both of Harry’s hands tight, looked him in the eye and stated, 'Harry, I would be honoured to play it for you. But you know you're not going to lose me don’t you? You’ve got me, you’re stuck with me for good now.’

And there in the middle of the shabby little diner, Louis sung his heart out for an audience of one, delicate fingers playing a beautiful melody that meant so much to them. Both of them knowing that a song of heartbreak might have cemented Harry’s love, but determined that their story was going to have a very different ending.

…..

They spent the afternoon, back in their disguises, exploring the quiet back streets, buying vintage comics for Louis, and faded second hand band shirts for Harry. The afternoon drifted into dusk, and with a newfound lightness, they made their way back to their hotel.

After deciding on a lazy evening in front of the TV, worn out from trekking around the city, it didn’t take long for one of them to give into the temptation of sleep. Louis was the first to admit defeat, letting out soft snores from his place snuggled into Harry’s lap.  

'Hey, sleepyhead, let's go to bed, come on, it might feel comfy now, but you'll thank me in the morning for moving you.' and Harry shook Louis gently as he spoke, trying to wake him up just enough to get him on his feet and into the bedroom.

Louis was having none of it. 'Ok, you asked for it, this is going to be a bumpy ride.' And in one not so smooth and seamless manoeuvre Harry scooped Louis up and into his arms – all too aware of Louis’ hot breath on his neck - and wobbled his way to the bedroom, placing him gently in the middle of the large bed.

Realising that Louis was still fully clothed, including battered Vans, Harry muttered to himself,  'Come on, he's asleep, just undress him and go to sleep, think with your brain for a change Styles!'

The Vans, it turned out were the easy part. The rest was another story. Mentally slapping himself, Harry focussed on the task in hand, undoing buttons carefully, and concentrating on sliding down jeans without waking Louis.

Exhausted, but undeniably turned on, Harry undressed himself and slipped into bed next to Louis, carefully placing an arm over him, trying to be as quiet and delicate as possible, cursing as the bed creaked.

After a few minutes he figured he'd managed to get away with it, and started to drift off himself.

A sleep-rough voice broke the silence. 'That was some self-restraint you showed there Styles; please don't credit me with the same if the roles are ever reversed.'

And Louis, now seemingly wide awake, turned, chest flush against Harry's, hearts beating hard in time, breath ghosting, gaze locked and not wavering.

'Please let me fuck you Harry? I can feel how turned on you are', Louis breathed out into the room. And even though it was phrased as a question, there was never any doubt in either of their minds what the answer would be.

…

Moments of hard passionate kissing passed in a blur. Sometimes Harry found himself straddling Louis, then he would suddenly find himself pinned to the bed, struggling for breath, consumed by the lust he felt washing over them. Other times they lay on their sides, facing each other, drinking each other in, letting passion, and love, and want, cradle them.

'Louis...Lou, I need you, now.' And even though the kissing was amazing, Louis had to admit that he was getting a little more turned on than kissing could contain.

Slowly, teasingly, he pulled Harry’s boxers off, and then his own, leaving them both naked, flush to each other, skin on skin.

'Harry, I love you so much.' Louis managed while gently caressing Harry’s hole, relaxing him, making sure he was ready, that it wouldn’t hurt too much. ‘I love you too; you're the best thing that's happened to me.' And Louis didn't know how much more he was going to be able to take. Stroking at his own leaking cock - the mere sight of Harry - now straddling him, looking down at him cheeks flushed, uttering words of love and desire, was almost enough to push him over the edge on its own.

'Harry, you have no idea what you do to me...I need you, I need to be inside you...' And with that Louis pulled Harry fully on to his lap, kissing him hard, fingers scissoring inside, massaging him further until he was sure he was ready, kissing and kissing. ‘Lou, I’m ready, I’m...I need you now, need you to fuck me.’ Harry whined, leaning forward to give Louis one last kiss, before taking matters into his own hands. Sinking slowly, inch by careful inch, down on to Louis, sighing and groaning as he went, arching his back and exposing them both to sensations and feelings they could never have dreamed of.

As thoughts and feelings flashed though his mind, Harry fleetingly tried to pin down how he was feeling, wanting to remember the moment forever, the moment he'd waited so long for. _How am I feeling...aroused to the point of exploding, on the verge of tears, happy to the point of laughing hysterically, content and comfortable, like I'm about to pass out, not sure where I end and he begins, heaven, home…_

Suddenly drawn out of his thoughts by Louis' hand circling his cock, Harry jerked forward, hips snapping into a rhythm Louis was clearly and loudly enjoying, each moan, groan and whimper pushing Harry closer and closer to the edge himself.

'Oh god yes, yes, harder, harder…' Harry groaned, hips snapping and bucking, any semblance of rhythm lost in the moment 'Oh god, fuck, that feels so good, so good… I'm going to…'

And as Harry’s muscles tensed around him, that was what pushed Louis over the edge, into the depths of the most mind blowing orgasm, with Harry coming, crashing along with him, hugging and trembling in his arms.

…..

And in their bubble they were happy. But although beautiful, bubbles are fragile things. It's only a matter of time before they burst.

 

…..


	9. Chapter 9

  
The next week or so passed in a haze of late nights mapping each others skin, lazy mornings waking up nestled together, and dates at what had become ‘their diner’. Time spent just getting to know each other again; mind, body and soul.  

Only Gemma, Jay and Liam knew they were together. With Liam sworn to secrecy until they were ready to tell Niall and Zayn. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust the other boys, it was just that Liam had found out by accident, and news, good or bad, had a way of travelling fast among the backstage crew. And with Simon arriving, that wasn’t the kind of news they wanted him to hear about through the grapevine. No, they needed a plan for Simon, and only they would decide where, when and how they would break the news to him.  

They had actually managed to talk it through, late at night, into the early hours of the morning. With the rest of the world asleep, in Harry’s hotel bed, sticky, covered in sweat and relaxed from coming in each other's arms. Half-asleep, it was Louis that raised it, sweetly, taking hold of Harry’s hands in his, ‘Love, you know Simon gets here tonight? We need to speak to him, need to tell him about us.’ Feeling Harry grip onto him more tightly, he rubbed what he hoped were soothing strokes across his knuckles, trying to relax him enough to carry on with the conversation. ‘Harry, it’s going to be ok, I promise. We just need to agree what we want from him and then go and tell him. He’ll be able to see how much we love each other. He’s not a complete monster.’

Looking at Louis in the half-light, seemingly not convinced, Harry spoke quietly, ‘I really hope you’re right Lou. But you know what he’s like. He likes to be in control, have things his way. We know why he changed things between us, I don’t know if I think his reasons for that have changed.’ And pausing for a moment, carefully deciding what to say next, he continued on, ‘I guess all we can do is try though. Whatever happens, we still love each other, he can’t stop us doing that.’

‘We need to agree what we want from him love,’ Louis coaxed, bringing them back to the point of the conversation, and with Harry looking unsure, Louis offered, ‘Shall I go first, shall I explain what I think we should ask for?’ Harry just nodded, still holding on to Louis’ hand like a life-line.

‘Well we’re together, boyfriends, in love, I want everyone to know, want to be able to proudly hold your hand in public, kiss you in front of whoever we want to. I do want that. But, let’s be honest with ourselves, Simon’s not going to go from us not interacting at all, to us basically coming out. If we go to him demanding that, you know he’ll just make a snap decision.’

Seeing Harry’s worried look, he carried on, hoping he could explain his thoughts properly, ‘Harry it’s not that I don’t want that, I do. But even putting Simon to one side, we’ve only been together for two weeks. Let’s just give ourselves a bit more time to enjoy what we’ve got in private. When we do come out, whenever we feel ready to do that, there will be so much attention on us; from the media, from the fans, coming at us from all angles. We’ll become public property. And selfishly, I don’t want to have to share what we’ve got with anyone else. Not just yet.

‘This is something we’ve both got to agree on, so please, please, let me know. But I think we should tell him that we just want it to go back to how it was before, nothing more than that at the moment. Publicly at least. So we can interact on stage, in interviews, at photoshoots, anywhere the fans and media can see us, they can see us together. And in private, in private we carry on as we are, that’s really none of his business and not something we need to get his approval on.

And looking to Harry now, trying to gauge his reaction, Louis waited with baited breath. Finally, finally, Harry broke out into a huge dimpled grin, pulling Louis to him for a bone-crushing hug, smiling into his hair as he spoke, ‘Lou, that sounds amazing. All I ever wanted was for us to just be able to be ourselves around each other. And same, same as you, I do want us to do more than that in the end, but I must be selfish too - I don’t want to share us at the moment either. I like it how it is now, how we are now.’

…

After too few hours sleep, Harry felt gentle butterfly kisses peppering his face, and blinking himself awake, Louis questioned gently, 'So are we going to speak to Simon today? Probably better to go and see him early before we get caught in rehearsals?’

Harry, suddenly wide awake and alert considering just how early it was, turned to face Louis, and surprising even himself, felt brave, strong, and intent on making the conversation pan out in their favour. 'Let’s go and see him now. The sooner we tell him the better. What’s the worst that can happen. Like you said last night, he’s not a complete monster.’

….

Determined and united, they made their way across the city to the rehearsal venue. It was early, with the rest of the band and backstage crew nowhere to be seen. Normally the whole place was buzzing with energy and chatter. Empty and quiet like this, you could almost feel something hanging in the air – tension, or hope, or a promise of a future – it was hard to tell.

Without a word, Louis slid his hand into Harry's and tangled their fingers together as they continued to make their way through the maze of corridors, looking for the room Simon would have taken up residence in. Creature of habit, whenever they used this rehearsal space he commandeered the same room. And no matter how early or how late it was they knew that they would find him there. 

A final left turn and they'd arrived. The door to Simon's temporary office made it abundantly clear that he was in charge and not to be messed with. Stamped in black lettering, the sign on the door read: _Mr S Cowell. Busy man. Knock if you are sure it's worth my time._ Harry and Louis knew all about this sign - it was notorious amongst band and crew - and mostly they laughed at it, thinking it was a bit over the top. But now, stood outside the door, sharing a look of concern, they tried to force themselves to believe that it really was just bravado on Simon's part.

'Ready?' and as he asked, Louis gently squeezed Harry's hand. Harry took a deep breath, knocked and spoke at the same time, 'Ready as I'll ever be.'

….

'Come in…I said come in…' the older man muttered and then shouted from behind his computer screen.

A pile of paper sat neatly on the left of the desk. Two Smartphones to the right, alongside a framed picture of his partner. The room was simple and plain, stripped of the awards and multi-platinum discs Simon normally surrounded himself with back in London.

He didn't look up as the door opened. They walked in and waited. They knew Simon's style. He was not to be interrupted when he was in the middle of something; they knew very well that he would let them know when it was their turn to speak.

They exchanged a nervous look, and finally after several minutes, Simon looked up, rubbed the bridge of his nose, placed his glasses on his desk in front of him and smiled a genuine smile. _This is a good sign_ , Harry thought to himself, _We've caught him in a good mood_.

'Hi boys. You're early, just what I like to see, dedication. But we don't start rehearsals for another couple of hours, I suppose you're to see your vocal coaches, or…'

Silence.

And the look on his face told them all they needed to know. This was not going to go well.

'What is that meant to mean?' And he nodded towards their intertwined fingers as he spat the words out.

Harry felt the courage and confidence he'd been feeling evaporate into thin air under Simon's withering gaze. 'I…we…'

And now Simon was standing, looming across his desk. 'I told you months ago that this, whatever this is…' and he waved disdainfully at them as he spoke '…had to stop. I thought you had got the message. You better tell me what the hell's going on, and it better be good.'

Louis looked over to Harry, and knew that he would have to take control of the situation. Harry looked tiny, shrunk back in on himself, visibly shaking. Taking a deep breath, Louis stood to his full height and spoke as calmly and confidently as he could.

'Simon, I know you said that we had to keep things purely professional, for the sake of the band. And I can assure you that we tried, for months. But you can't turn emotions on and off. You must have been able to see that we were both miserable. Do you think us being miserable helps the band? The fans don’t want to see us unhappy, and they’d noticed.

'This isn't some fling that’s going to end and tear the band apart, if that's what you're worried about. We love each other. No one has ever come close to making me feel the way Harry does. And I know he feels the same way about me. And we can't end this, we won't end this.

'We’re not saying we want to come out right now or anything like that. But we need things to go back to how they were before. We can’t function with the distance, you must be able to see that we’re happier, and the fans are happier, when we can act normally around each other.’

….

Laughter.

Laughter was not what Louis or Harry had been expecting to hear. Not at all. It was the most unnerving sound either of could have heard from Simon in the circumstances. Shouting, screaming, demanding, ordering them around, at least they knew where they stood with that. But this, this was truly stomach churning. The laughter didn't reach his eyes, and it sounded hollow and cruel.

Finally the laughter stopped and he spoke.

'I don't care.'

'I don't care what you think you feel for each other. In fact, I don't care if you really are in love.'

'I know you think I'm being cruel. And in your shoes I would feel the same way. But this has to stop.'

Simon sat back down in chair and motioned for Louis and Harry to take a seat, which they did, hands never parting.

'Don't you understand? This band, this brand, it’s bigger than any of you. I like you both, you’re sweet boys. But this band is a business. It’s about making money. And you’ve only got a limited amount of time before the fans get bored of you and move on to the next new thing.

'Do you really think parents in middle America, would stand for one, let alone two, openly gay boys in a band. And the two of you together, you may as well throw your career down the drain. These girls, they want to believe you’ll fall for them, fall in love with them. The last thing they want to see is the two of you in love with each other. You’d see everything you’ve worked for crumble and vanish in weeks. Is that what you want?

‘Is that really what _this_ , between the two of you is worth?’

Louis, struggling to keep his voice from trembling as he spoke again, ‘We’ve discussed it, we’re willing to lose everything if we have to. We can’t lose each other. Not again. And we’re not asking to be out, we just want things to go back to how they were before.’

This time, taking a moment or two, Simon looked at each boy in turn before he said it, ‘Well fine, ok, you’re willing to lose everything, good for you, that’s lovely. But have you thought about Liam, or Niall, or Zayn. If you decide that your relationship comes before you’re career, you’d be destroying their careers and futures as well. Is that what you want? Could you live with yourselves if that happened? Because it would happen.’

….

Trying to digest everything that was happening, Harry finally spoke. 'We’re not talking about coming out, or being a couple in public. We just need things to go back to how they were before. You talk about Niall, Liam and Zayn, us destroying their careers. Well to be honest, the way things were going I don’t know how much longer I would have been able to stand it anyway.’

Simon, amused, came straight back, 'Oh Harry, honestly, do you really think you’d just be able to walk away. That's not going to happen. And saying you don’t want to be out. I don’t think you quite understand how obvious you two are when we’re not separating you. It’s glaringly obvious. If you go back to that now, you may as well be out. I will not let you two destroy the band.’

....

Feeling incredibly nervous, but deciding they had nothing left to lose, Harry leant across Simon’s desk and picked up the framed picture of the man that took pride of place. ‘Look at him. Tell me you would give up what you two have? Pretend you didn't feel it. Could you do that, no matter what was at stake?'

And that was when Simon finally exploded. 'You have no idea about my personal life. And you have no right to know anything about it either. I'm your boss, not your friend and you've pushed this too far. You were nothing without me, and I'll happily make sure you never work again.

That threat, because that was what it was, meant nothing to Harry, he didn't even feel it. 'I don't care. We told you and we meant it, we don't care what we have to give up. And don't think we're bluffing, we've spoken about this and we'd do it.'

Still looking angry, but not particularly fazed, back in full control, Simon seethed, ‘I suggest you go back and have a look at the contacts you signed so happily. There’s some details in their that I think you’d be wise to understand before you throw statements like that around.

’Now get out.’

 


	10. Chapter 10

'You did what? I can't believe what I'm hearing Simon, and from you of all people.' The outrage coming down the phone line, coupled with the eyes boring into him from the photo on his desk, made him feel like a terrible human being. Coming from the man he loved more than anything, it hurt.

The truth was that Simon valued his partner’s opinion over anyone else's, which meant that pretty soon he'd be admitting he'd screwed up, admitting he was in the wrong, and then wondering how the hell he was going to undo the ungodly mess he’d single-handedly orchestrated.  

Knowing that he was only really protesting to save the semblance of face he still hung onto, and not wanting to fully admit the scale of the damage he’d done, he ploughed on anyway, heart not really in it, ‘What? You can't seriously expect me to jeopardise everything, this band is a brand. It’s a machine. Hundreds of people’s job depend on it. I can’t risk all of that for a couple of hormonal boys who don't even know what they're feeling, let alone what they're doing. I don't have any choice.'

The disbelieving sigh at the other end of the line was just the beginning. Then the logical and annoyingly right floodgates opened. 'You don't have any choice. Really? You think you're the one in the difficult position here? Seriously, look up and outside of yourself and your precious “brand”, really look at what's happened here. Two people have fallen in love. Two real people. Not puppets you can control. Real people, with thoughts and feelings you can’t just disregard.

‘Life’s not always straightforward Simon. You can’t control everything, much as I know you’d like to. They’re not asking you to let them come out, they’re asking you to let them act normally around each other. The world’s not going to end, no one will even notice a difference, only the fans, and they'll love it.'

‘So stop lying to me, I know what this is really about. It’s not about the brand, or the money. This is about pride and control. You not wanting to backtrack and admit you were wrong. Swallow your pride, give up a bit of control, and do it now.

'If you don't support them, and help them to make this work, you’re not the man I thought you were.'

…

Just about holding it together for the walk back to the hotel, neither of them said a word, hands clasped together, knuckles white. Walking through the lobby, into the lift, and down the corridor to Louis’ room - all in silence.

Safely inside their room, that was another story. First came tears, then anger, shock, disbelief, and finally, finally resolve. A resolve that whatever had just happened in that meeting, they were a team, united, and nothing, not even Simon’s threats would break them.

So the rest of the day they waited. Waited for a phone to ring, or for a knock at the door. Something, anything, to let them know what would happen next. What the repercussions from the disastrous meeting would be. But it never came. The world carrying on as normal around them, even though they felt like it had shifted on its axis.

And with the lack of obvious fall-out, if they tried hard enough, they could almost believe they’d made it up, that it was all some hideous nightmare that they’d wake up from.

…

After the eerie silence came the final days of rehearsals.

They were back working long, gruelling days, starting at 6am and not leaving until late at night.

Spending so many hours together had the potential to be amazing, should have been amazing. But the crushing reality was that spending so many hours together, while not being together at all was worse than awful.  

Simon, now a constant presence, watched over them like a hawk. If they took so much as one un-choreographed step towards each other, or held the other’s gaze a second too long, he’d be up and out of his chair, striding towards the stage, making up some excuse or another to interrupt. Glaring at them each and every time. If looks could kill, they’d both have been long gone. The pressure was unrelenting. And the enforced distance, deeper and darker than ever.

A brief pause in rehearsals saw Simon stalking off, Smartphone pressed to his ear, deep in what Louis thought sounded like a heated conversation. Turning his attention back to the rest of the band, Louis saw Harry slipping off, shoulders slouched, in the direction of one of the backstage breakout rooms. Following a few steps behind him, not sure who was watching them, he finally closed the distance, sure they were alone in the maze of corridors behind the stage.

Quietly, and in what he hoped any passer-by would consider a neutral tone of voice, he questioned, ‘Hey Harry, are you ok? Thought you seemed a bit fed up, walking off stage like that.’ Rolling his eyes, Harry carried on walking, reaching the small breakout room, and shutting the door behind them, and letting out a deep, dark sigh, he said, sounding upset, 'This is no good.'

Facing each other, trying to block out the bustle and noise they could hear going on around them, Louis focussed on the man in front of him. 'What's no good? We’re ok aren’t we? I thought you were happy with us.'

And Harry sighed again as he spoke, 'We’re fine Lou. And you make me so unbelievably happy. But this, after the weeks we had together, spending so much time together. This is worse than it was before, I…'

A loud knocking at the door put an abrupt halt to their conversation, with Liam shouting, sounding stressed, through the door, ‘Guys, Simon’s back, we need to be back on stage in, like, two seconds!’, Liam didn't often shout, and that meant there was no more time to talk. Opening the door, they walked out to a worried look from Liam.

'We'll talk later Lou. We can't here.' And with that they made their way back to the stage, Liam acting as a buffer between them.

….

The rest of the day dragged and itched. Group rehearsals had been replaced by individual vocal coaching. Louis couldn't get the interrupted conversation with Harry out of his head. 

As he willed the minutes to pass by more quickly, not really focussed on the vocal exercises he’d being given, his phone buzzed, loud, on top of the piano it’d been resting on.

Grabbing it, he was off, running as he read it, 'Gone back to the hotel. Not sure I can do this. Really need to see you.'

Louis' head was somewhere else entirely as he made his way back to the hotel. Full of questions and worrying thoughts. 

Running through the lobby, pressing and pressing the call button for the lift, willing it to hurry up. Finally getting to Harry’s room and using the spare key card he’d given him, he called out as he entered the suite. At first there was no reply, but a few seconds later he heard muffled sobs coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

Knocking and opening the door slowly, not sure what he’d find inside, it broke Louis' heart, seeing Harry crunched up at the head of the bed, hugging his knees for comfort, Gemma wrapped around him in a tight hug, looking as concerned as Louis felt.

For some reason unsure, not feeling like he could go to comfort him, Louis sat on the corner of the bed and waited. Waited until Harry was ready to speak.

Finally it came.

'They sent me home, told me to get my head together; to sort out whatever it was that was bothering me.’

Looking at him now, Harry was shattered, beautiful but shattered, red-rimmed eyes, face blotchy from crying.

'I'm miserable. I've been miserable since final rehearsals started. I'm with you all day, everyday, but I miss you.

‘It’s breaking my heart. That we’re near each other all the time, but I can't touch you, that I can't kiss you. It feels like we're right back where we were before and I hate it.

'I can't take it anymore. A few hours when we're both too exhausted to do more than sleep, it’s not enough, not if it’s how it’s going to be for the rest of the tour. I can’t do it Lou. We need to do something.’

And Louis knew he was right, knew that things had regressed ever since they’d spoken to Simon. They’d gone from spending all their time together, night and day, doing whatever they wanted, to spending the majority of their days in rehearsals not even able to acknowledge each other. And the remaining time too shattered to do anything more than sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

Unexpectedly it was Gemma who was the first to speak after Harry’s confession. Releasing her hold on her brother, but still butted up to him on the bed, she asked, genuinely unaware, ‘What exactly happened in that meeting you had with Simon? I know you said it didn’t go well, but how did you leave it?’

Looking at Harry, it was clear it was Louis’ turn to speak, ‘We told him we wanted things to go back to how they were before. To be able to hang out, talk to each other on stage, not have to pretend.

‘And he laughed at us, said that us being normal was basically us being “out”. That the fans would abandon us, that they wanted us to be in love with them, not with each other. Told us we’d destroy the band. Wreck the other boys career’s.

‘Then, in the end, he told us to reread out contracts and kicked us out.’

....

Gemma took and few moments to take in what she’d heard before speaking again. ‘So, have you looked at your contracts again? Looked at exactly what you’re tied into?

And they both had to admit that they hadn’t. Had been so caught up in the emotional response to the meeting, that they hadn’t taken on board Simon’s parting statement.

‘Well, no, but you know it’ll only be bad news, making it clear that he can do whatever he wants. I read it when we signed it, seemed pretty watertight.’ Harry sniffled, more composed now.

‘But Harry, you were sixteen, I bet you only glanced it while mum was the one that read it properly. I’m not saying there'll be some amazing loophole in there, Simon wouldn’t be that slack. But it would be useful for you both to really understand the details of what you’ve agreed to. To understand just how tightly you’re bound.’

But seemingly resigned to their fate, Harry shrugged, ‘Whatever we’ve signed, we’re stuck with it now. And he wouldn’t be telling us to re-read it if there was anything in there that would help us. He’d be an idiot to do that.’

Louis chipped in, backing Harry up. ‘He’s right Gemma, Simon knows our contracts inside out and back to front. He’s only telling us to look at them, so he can rub our faces in the fact that he can do whatever he wants.’

Looking between them, and letting it go, Gemma gave Harry one last hug and got up, walking across the room, giving Louis a tight hug too, before going to leave the room. Stopping in the doorway, she said gently, ‘Why don’t you two spend the rest of the day here. I’m meant to be meeting up with some of the crew anyway, going to show me how things work, give me something to blog about. Just try to relax and forget about everything.’

…

Leaving Harry and Louis curled up on the bed, Gemma grabbed her phone and Ipad on her way out of the suite. With no intention of going to see the crew, she made her way down to the Starbucks in the hotel lobby.

After spending a good hour reading about contract law, entertainment law, and management contracts, she’d drawn a blank. Frustrated, she took a slip of her now lukewarm drink and thought back to the conversation she’d had with Harry and Louis earlier. Something about it was nagging at her, trying to get her to remember it. Wracking her brains, and replaying the conversation, trying to remember it word for word. Suddenly it came to her, ‘But Harry, you were sixteen…’

That was it.

Snatching her phone, and calling before she had time to doubt herself, ‘Hi Mum, sorry to call you so late but it’s important.’

And filling Anne in on everything that had happened since they’d been in LA; how the boys were struggling so much; that they’d gone to see Simon, and how disastrous that had been; Harry’s breakdown today; and what Simon had said about contracts.

Ending the call, Gemma felt slightly guilty that she’d told their mum everything without checking with Harry first. She’d had to tell her though, it was too much for Harry and Louis to bear and try to fight through on their own,

And the lightbulb moment she’d had, the thought that had made her call their mum. It was just a hunch at the moment. There was no point mentioning it to the boys just yet. She’d tell them if there was actually something to tell.

...

Picking up her phone and dialling, the conversation with Gemma playing on her mind, she was relieved when she heard the voice at the other end of the line, knowing it was late at night to be calling out of the blue. 'Oh hi Jay, it's Anne. Have you got time to talk?...Sorry, I know it's late, but it's really important.

...


	11. Chapter 11

Gemma had been gone for over an hour, as soon as she left, Louis taking her place alongside Harry at the head of the bed. Next to each other, pressed close, he took Harry’s hand, gently around the wrist, thumbing small circles on his pulse point. Soothing he hoped. Trying to take away some of the stress and anxiety Harry was feeling.

They stayed quiet for a while, absorbing everything that had happened. Each trying to come up with a solution for the mess they’d found themselves in.

Louis didn’t want to burden Harry with how he was feeling, but he wanted him to know, wanted him to understand that he wasn’t alone in finding things difficult, even more difficult than before.

Taking his time, wanting to make sure he didn’t make things worse, he spoke cautiously, ‘Harry, it’s not just you, you know? Please don’t beat yourself up over finding this all so difficult, for feeling miserable. I feel exactly the same. But I wouldn’t change it.

‘I wouldn’t take back a second of the time we’ve had together over the last few weeks. And I know it’s made things even harder now. That we had each other every second of every day, and now we can’t have each other at all. I know it makes it even worse. But I wouldn’t swap it.

‘I wish the meeting with Simon had gone better, that he’d understood. But I would rather have had those weeks for us to be honest with each other, to know that we love each other, and be dealing with this pain now, than have never known, never been sure that you loved me.

‘And even though it’s torture at the moment, we just have to get through the US dates, just a few more weeks and we’ll be back in the UK. Back home, no shows for a while, and we can pick up where we left off, go back to being us, all day every day. I know we can do it. We’re strong enough.’

Looking to Harry, needing to know what he was thinking, Louis could feel his own disappointment and frustration at the situation, sitting heavy, weighing him down, could only imagine that Harry was feeling the same.

He didn’t have to imagine for very long, ‘I wouldn’t change it for anything either Lou.’ Harry spoke quietly, ‘It’s agony now, but like you said, knowing for sure that you love me, knowing for sure what we are, that gives me strength. And I know that we can survive this. I think today, it just hit me how different things are going to be with Simon around, how restricted we are, and it just got too much.

‘But yeah, you’re right, if we can survive these next few shows, just get through them, we’ll be back home and free. At least for a while anyway.’

And he finished, sadness tinged with hope, ‘And for now, we’re just going to have to make the most of the time we can be together, use it to make us strong for the times we’re apart, because I can’t see it changing any time soon.’

…

Seeing the note Gemma had left in the kitchen, telling them to text her when she could come back, that there was no hurry (winky face and all), Louis decided that the best thing for both of them would be to put their problems to one side for a while. Make themselves strong, feed those reserves, ready to call on when times got tough.

Looking over at the restocked mini-bar, an idea formed in his mind, smiling to himself as he grabbed a selection of bottles, sure this would be just what they needed,

…

They were giddy, knowing they had the whole suite to themselves, and for as long as they wanted. Giddy, emotional and in love. With tequila. It was only going to end one way.

'How did this happen? Oh god, that feels amazing, please don't stop…' Harry all but whimpered.

This hadn't really been Louis’ plan. The plan had been to do a couple of shots, watch a soppy film and see where the rest of the day took them. Somehow, they’d bypassed the film and gone straight for more tequila.

Which was how Harry came to find himself lying on the glass dining room table, shirtless, in fact down to just his boxers, Louis licking salt and slurping tequila out of his belly button.

Writing, and panting, Harry lifted his head, grabbing at Louis’ shoulder to get his attention, 'Louis, kiss me, I need you to kiss me…' Moving up from his place between Harry’s thighs, Louis joined him on the table, straddling him, kissing him hard, both tasting of alcohol, laughing into each other's open mouths. They kissed for long sloppy moments, biting at lips a little too hard, bumping chins, finesse out the window, too turned on to care.

'Your turn now,' Harry breathed hotly into Louis' ear, gently pushing him away at the same time.

Once they were on their feet, the affects of the tequila where a little more noticeable, with Harry struggling to free Louis from the confines of his t-shirt. Rock hard at the sight of Louis’ bare chest, Harry pushed him to the floor and started to taste, touch and explore the expanse of golden skin at his disposal.  

Pinning Louis’ arms above his head, Harry took control. Kissing from the insides of his wrists, down his forearms, stopping to lick the paper-thin skin at the crease of his elbows, down further nuzzling and appreciating the very male scent under Louis' arms. He paused at Louis’ nipples, knowing very well the response he would get, hips bucking, and wrists straining, Harry sucked and grazed each one with his teeth, 'Harry, ohhh that feels so good, harder though.' Cautiously nibbling, then driven on by Louis’ moans and gasps, biting hard enough to sting slightly, lovingly soothing with his tongue, blowing cool breath over each hardened, reddened nipple, 'Oh god, oh fuck Harry, that feels...'

With moans echoing around the room, Harry made to go lower still, pausing at Louis' belly button. Grabbing Louis’ hand, stopping him from palming himself through his jeans, Harry took both delicate wrists in a tight hold, returning them to their place above Louis’ head, pressed into the luxurious carpet. Looking at Louis now, he look wrecked, cheeks pink, lips bitten, hair at all angles, nipples dark red and still slick with spit.

Helpless to resist, hands securely held in place, Louis looked on in awe as Harry lowered himself on top of him. Holding himself up on his elbows, he nestled between Louis’ jean-clad thighs. Grinding down on to Louis, Harry’s cock feeling every blissful sensation though the thin fabric of his underwear, Louis bucking up furiously, trying to match that feeling through the confines of his jeans.

Nipping at his lip to get his attention, Louis panted, struggling to form words, ‘Need these off, need you. Want you to fuck me Harry.’

Breaking apart, Harry moved his hand down between them and stroked Louis through his jeans. Smiling down at him softly, feeling a rush of emotion, ‘Yes, yes of course, always.’

…..

Stripped of his jeans, naked now, Louis was a wonder. Taking just a moment to look at him, tan chest heaving, muscled legs spread, thighs trembling, delicate hands still clasped above his head of their own accord. Harry was mesmerised.

It was Louis whining high in his throat ‘Harry, please..’ and looking at him with lust-blown, needy eyes, that snapped Harry out of it. ‘Right, yes, ok…’ and sitting between Louis’ legs, stroking his thighs gently, asking, ‘Lou, do you want to stay here or go to bed?'

…

Dropping Louis down on the soft, plush bed, Harry took just a second to find the lube and condoms in his bag. Coming back to the bed, he nestled between Louis’ legs again, kissing him gently, feeling nervous suddenly. ‘Lou, I want to make this good for you, so good, never done this before, but I’ll try and do it right. Just tell me if it hurts.’

And Louis looked at him with such tenderness that it nearly took Harry’s breath away, ‘I know it will be good, so good. Never done this either, just go slow, and I promise I’ll tell you if I need you to stop at all.’

Feeling braver now, they kissed softly, passion bubbling under the surface. Uncapping the lube, Harry coated his fingers, and found Louis’ hole, not applying any pressure, just circling his rim, getting them both used to the sensation. Kissing the words into his mouth, Louis urged him on, ‘It’s ok love, one finger to start with, just slowly.’ Tentatively Harry stopped circling and applied the slightest of pressure, feeling muscle start to give beneath him, gently, slowly, so slowly, he pushed his finger in, finally surrounded by heat.

After a couple of minutes Louis was wriggling under him again, asking for more, ‘Another Harry, another now.’ Sliding in a second finger, the tightness and heat overwhelming, Harry crooked his fingers experimentally, feeling for Louis’ prostate, suddenly ‘Oh my god, oh my god, do that, do that, keep doing that, fuck Harry.’ Feeling his own cock throb needily at the sight of Louis, Harry stroked himself. ‘One more Harry, one more and then I need you to fuck me, oh fuck.’

Three fingers inside him now, feeling full and so turned on, ‘Fuck Harry, now, I’m ready, fuck me.’ Fumbling for the condom, taking two goes to get it open with shaky hands, Harry had to take a deep steadying breath, scared just putting it on would make him come he was so turned on.

Taking each of Louis’ delicate ankles, placing one on each shoulder, he leant forward to kiss him. Kissing deeply, Harry lined the head of his cock up with Louis’ hole and shifted his hips forward ever so slightly. Feeling Louis tense beneath him, but at the same time saying ‘Harry, carry on, please,’ he slowly, inch by careful inch shifted his hips until he was fully buried inside. Red hot and gloriously tight, Harry didn’t dare move, terrified that the slightest movement would mean it was all over before it had started.

Giving them both time to adjust, Louis leant up to stroke Harry’s cheekbone, brushing a stray curl behind his ear, ‘You’re doing so well love, being so good for me, so gentle. You can move now.’ Taking a deep, steadying breath, pulling nearly all the way out, Harry thrust back in, one smooth slow slide. ‘Oh yes, Harry, just like that,’ Keeping a slow, steady pace, waiting for Louis’ word, Harry felt the beginnings of his own orgasm fizzing, low in his pelvis. ‘Harder now Harry, I want you to.’

Harry lifted Louis’ hips, pulling him up slightly higher, thrusting in hard this time, angling upwards, Louis’ back arched off the bed, hands grasped to the headboard, ‘Fuck Harry, just there, fuck yes,’ Fucking into Louis now, hitting the same spot over and over, the man beneath him a quivering mess, red angry cock bouncing on his stomach with each thrust, Harry licked sweat off of his upper lip and focussed on making this as good as he could for Louis.

Bent almost in half, with Harry’s lips on his, just able to meet in a kiss, messy where they were shifting up the bed with every thrust, Louis whimpered into Harry’s mouth. ‘So close, so, fuck, oh god, I’m going to…’ and Louis came untouched, white pearly stripes hitting his stomach and collarbone, tensing and shaking through it, in a bliss that felt like it lasted an age. ‘Carry on Harry, come on, want you to come in me,’ and with two more deep thrusts Harry was coming hard, pulsing into Louis, collapsed together trembling.

…

A day had passed and the first of the LA shows was looming, just hours away, all five boys backstage going through their usual routines. Being poked and prodded by Lou, having their make-up done, going to wardrobe to be given their co-ordinated outfits. It was always the same, what felt like ample time, ended up being a mad rush, no time to breath, or think, or get nervous.

Backstage now, they could hear the warm-up act, crowd cheering and singing along. Sound guys and technical support buzzing about, making last minute adjustments, making sure the show would go ahead without a hitch.

Simon appeared then, serious and focussed as alway, ‘Ready boys? It’s sold out, and the critics are here too, so make sure you give it your all. Don’t let me down.’ And with a pointed look in Harry and Louis’ direction, he was off, disappearing deeper backstage.

The concert went by in a blur, they always did. The fans screamed so loudly they could barely hear themselves singing. Flags from all over the world flying proudly. It was an amazing sight.

And the enforced distance, the lack of contact on stage, it was painful, difficult. They hoped the crowd didn’t notice the awkwardness, the stilted nature of some of their banter with everyone else. But all of that faded away, none of that mattered really, because every time Louis so much as moved on stage he could still feel the faintest burn still lingering from Harry fucking into him. And Harry, Harry could still feel the slightest ache in his muscles from where he had thrust into Louis over and over. They were strong, and although it was far less than perfect, they’d make it work together.

….

After the show, they all returned to the hotel separately, Niall, Liam and Zayn deciding to hang out with the crew at the venue for a while afterwards - too hyped up to think about sleeping just yet. Simon was long gone, juggling multiple TV shows alongside the record label, meaning he could rarely give anything his undivided attention.

Harry and Louis could probably have gotten away with getting a car back to the hotel together, but not wanting to risk it, and Harry needing to find Gemma first, they decided to go their separate ways and meet up back at Louis’ suite.

On his own now, Harry looked around backstage for his sister, checking with half a dozen people and Lou, none of them knowing where she was. Finally giving up looking and texting her, he got a reply almost straight away, _Gone out for a drink with Lou - girls night, won’t be late, see you in an hour or so._ Totally confused, but too tired to have a long text conversation, Harry gathered his stuff together and grabbed a car back to the hotel.

...

Dropping his stuff off, quickly showering and getting changed into tracksuit bottoms and a soft t-shirt, Harry padded his way to Louis’ suite, finding the other boy settled on the sofa. After a quick kiss, he made them both a tea and settled next to him, feet tucked snugly underneath him.

Post-gig high wearing off, eyelids drooping, neither of them heard the knock at the door to start with. Louder a second time, sharing a sleepy look, Louis pulled Harry up and on to his feet, both of them making their way over to answer the door.

Opening the door, stunned didn’t begin to describe it.

‘Hi boys!’

And Gemma looked far too smug for her own good, Jay on one side of her, Anne on the other, all three beaming at them.

...


	12. Chapter 12

Sitting in his office, late after the first LA show, glass of Scotch in hand, Simon wrestled with the mess this had all become. Watching the show from the wings, seeing the awkwardly engineered choreography, making sure Harry and Louis never got too close; seeing the onstage banter with everyone else; it was a mess. And most frustratingly of all, it was a mess entirely of his own making.

Letting out a long, loud sigh, and thinking about how all this had started, how the boys had skyrocketed to stardom, Simon knew he’d undermined the very foundations of their success.

Trying to convince himself otherwise, trying to justify his actions, he reasoned that he’d only done what had worked in the past, followed the model he’d used with other artists. Past experience had told him that fans of young artists wanted them to be accessible. Wanted their music, but also wanted to believe they had a chance of being with them. That there was a chance, a chance of their idol seeing them in the crowd at a concert, or bumping into them on their downtime, and falling for them. That was every girl's dream, he reasoned to himself, to have their idol fall in love with them.

But he knew better now. Knew, whether he wanted to face it or not, that the boys and their fans had broken the mould, strayed away from that stereotype. And he’d been too slow, blind to it. Looking out into the crowd tonight, it had never been clearer to him. Dotted all over the stadium, sign after sign held up proudly, _OT5 Forever, One Band One Dream One Direction, We Love 1D._ The fans loved the boys because of their bonds with each other, because of their genuine friendships, because they so clearly loved each other. That was at the heart of their success, that was what the fans wanted, not the illusion of one of the boys falling in love with them.

Although he hadn’t realised it at the time, Simon knew now, that by separating Harry and Louis, by making everything so difficult for them, he’d unwittingly ripped the heart out of the band. Kept under lock and key, the very essence of their success.

‘What the hell am I going to do?’, desperate for answers even in the empty room.

An obvious answer would have been agreeing to Harry and Louis’ demands when they’d come to see him. Should have been straightforward enough. Everything could have been back to normal by now.

But there was too much at stake, he couldn’t just backtrack. The whole dynamic, the whole hierarchy of his relationship with the boys was based on them not questioning his decisions, of them trusting that he knew best. If they thought he’d simply changed his mind, or worse, had accepted that he’d made the wrong decision keeping them apart; the floodgates would open. The dynamic would shift entirely. They’d be challenging every decision he made, undermining him at every turn. And that couldn’t happen.

Looking into the bottom of his now empty glass, Simon knew he needed a miracle.

…

‘Well, aren’t you going to invite us in?’ Anne teased, smiling widely.

‘Come on Lou, not like you to be lost for words.’ Jay joined in, clearly enjoying the confusion their late night arrival had caused.

‘Sorry, sorry….hi mum!’ Harry rushed out, wrapping his arms around Anne, kissing her on the cheek.

‘Yeah, of course, come in, come in,’ Louis added, letting Jay pull him into a tight hug, peppering kisses all over his face.

Breaking apart, all five of them now inside the suite, Louis was first with the questions, ‘What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?’

Smiling at him fondly, Jay answered, ‘Well love, we could lie and say we just missed your beautiful faces. That we were at a loose end and decided to pop over to say “hi”, but you’d never believe us.’

Anne chipped in then, ‘Truth is, a little birdie told us that you were having a tough time at the moment. Told us what had happened with Simon. And we thought we might be able to help.’

Moments passed without anyone speaking, Anne sandwiched between Harry and Gemma on one sofa, Louis nestled into Jay on the other one.

Finally Gemma piped up, still as smug as before, ‘I’m the little birdie by the way, in case you were wondering! I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not. So, “sorry, not sorry”, and all that!’

Fixing his sister with an incredulous look, Harry sounded dumbfounded, ‘Gemma, what did you do?’

‘Harry love,’ Anne said gently, taking Harry’s hand in her’s, ‘Don’t be like that. I said, we’ve come here to help. We love you both, we all do. And Gemma told us how unhappy you were. We can’t just sit at home knowing how bad things are for you and not try to do something. So please let us try love?’

With a sad smile, Louis answered on their behalf, ‘That’s really kind of you Anne, and really we do appreciate it, but we’ve tried. We went to speak to Simon and it only made things worse. Kicked us out and told us to read our contracts again. Just gloated about how he could do whatever he wanted, how we’d basically signed our lives away.’

‘Come on Lou,’ Jay countered, squeezing Louis to her tighter and sharing a look with Anne and Gemma. ‘We wouldn’t have come here, getting your hopes up, saying we could help, if we didn’t really think we could now would we? Have a little more faith.’

Looking meaningfully at both boys, Jay took a deep breath, ready to explain their plan, ‘Just hear us out.’

…

Several cups of tea, and dozens of questions later, they were all exhausted, but excited by the possibilities they’d talked through.

Still not sure it would work, but willing to give it a try, Harry asked hopefully, ‘So, what time shall we head over tomorrow? We better go to bed now, it’s late, we need to get a good night’s sleep to tackle Simon.’

Sharing a look, Anne answered, ‘Harry love, Jay and I think we should just go to speak to Simon. We know this is about you and Louis, really we do. But can you imagine the reaction we’d get if all four of us turned up unannounced. He’d go on the defensive straight away. You know he would. Just trust us loves, we’ll try our best for you.’

…

Tired from a restless night’s sleep, Simon sat at his desk, strong coffee in hand, looking at the framed picture on his desk. Thinking back to their conversation nearly a week ago now, realising he hadn’t made any progress on living up to his partner’s expectations, he sighed, raking his hands through his hair.

Staring into space, he was jolted out of his thoughts by a sharp knock at the door. Looking quickly at his appointment schedule for the day, and seeing it was clear until the afternoon, he shrugged to himself. Sitting back in his leather chair, shouting across the room at whoever was on the other side of the door, ‘Yes, come in.’

…

Hearing Simon inviting them in, Anne and Jay looked at each other, confident that the meeting would end well. Jay, holding a thick file of papers to her chest, took one final deep breath, with Anne gently reminding her, ‘Firm but fair like we agreed, don’t want to get his hackles up.’

Walking into the office, the look of complete surprise on Simon’s face was a sight to behold. He looked entirely blindsided, they were obviously some of the very last people he had expected to see walking through the door.

Chalking it up as a win, they waited for him to react.

Composing himself quickly, smile back on his face, Simon greeted them with a charming, ‘Ladies, what a lovely surprise. To what do I owe this pleasure? Please, please, do take a seat.’

‘Thank you Simon,’ Jay said, leading the way, both of them sitting now, ‘Lovely to see you too, but business brings us here I’m afraid.’ And with that, she placed the thick file of papers on the desk.

‘Ok. Well that’s a shame. But how can I help you both? Nothing wrong I hope?’ He replied, looking at papers on his desk suspiciously.

‘Well, let’s hope not. I’m sure Harry and Louis must have just got their wires crossed. They told us about their catch up with you last week, how it had ended, and it all sounded so unlikely, so unlike you. We thought we’d better come and have a chat with you ourselves. Try to uncross those wires.’

Interested in where this was going, Simon leant back in his chair, ‘Of course, go on.’

‘Well,’ Jay continued, ‘Obviously we know about the boy’s relationship, and we know of course that you would only ever have their best interests at heart. So we wanted to say thank you. Thank you for suggesting they have another look at their contracts.

‘Of course they didn’t have access to them on the road. But we did. And yes, it was very useful. We had so much to learn back then. Really should have gone through them with a much finer tooth-comb. But I guess it is what it is. Wouldn’t you agree Anne?’

Speaking now for the first time, sounding confident, but not at all aggressive, Anne joined the conversation, ‘So true Jay, really some of the wording, when I look at it now, whoever drew those contracts up was very thorough. Looking out for the boy’s interests very well.’ She paused then, looking to gauge Simon’s reaction.

Seeing no hint of alarm, she continued, ‘Simon, we understand that you have the boy’s best interests at heart, we understand that you want them to make as much money as they can, while they can, and we all appreciate that. And we especially appreciate how much care you have taken looking after their well being, especially Harry’s, who was after all only sixteen when the contracts were signed.

‘That’s why we were so surprised, looking at the contracts again, how some things seem to have slipped through the net. Just an oversight I’m sure. Being that he was a minor, and I am sure you know this, but up to the age of eighteen, Harry and the others needed to be in at least part time education, difficult while touring I’m sure, but still…

‘And again, just an oversight, I’m sure, but it says here in black and white that up until eighteen, they shouldn’t have been working before 7am or after 7pm, and that there needs to be an hours break every four hours during the working day. All very strict, and hard to juggle, but yes, that’s what it says here, in their contract.’

Anne paused, looking to Simon again, who this time did look a little more affected, brow furrowed, thinking things through, ready to have his say.

It was Jay’s turn now, wrapping things up before he had a chance to respond. ‘So, we’ll head off now Simon. As I said, I’m sure it was just crossed wires before, no damage done. Well nothing that can’t be undone anyway.

‘And these contracts are so complicated, it’s no wonder things get missed sometimes. We’ll leave all this here for you to have a look at in your own time. No need to return it, it’s just a duplicate copy.’

And with that they said their polite goodbyes, Simon looking somewhat bemused. Smiling to themselves when they were sure they were out of his line of sight.

….

Door closed behind them, exhaling hard, Anne spoke first, ‘Do you think that went ok? Didn’t want to be too aggressive, I hope we didn’t push him too far.’

Giving her a reassuring look, Jay answered brightly, ‘No, I think we did just fine. We know, he knows, that all of that stuff about contacts, and Harry’s age wouldn’t stand up in court. But it’s not about that. We know Simon’s a proud man, but he’s not stupid. All we’ve done is given him a way out of this mess. A way out that means everyone comes out of this looking good with roles intact. Let’s just give him some time to think it over.’

…

Simon sat back in his chair, feeling like a whirlwind had swept into his office, flung everything up in the air and placed each and every item back down neatly again. Not sure what to make of the conversation that had just taken place, he eyed the file of papers.

Flicking through it, page after page of UK Government guidance on employing under eighteens. The penny finally dropped when he got to the very last page.

There, handwritten on a post-it note, ‘ _Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.'_

…

Back at the hotel, Anne and Jay filled their boys in on the meeting with Simon. They’d agreed their approach beforehand. Agreed that it wasn’t to be a fight, that there wouldn’t be an outright winner. They’d agreed to that because they knew Simon well enough, knew he would never accept being beaten.

They’d agreed that they’d lead him into a situation where he could come away with his pride intact. They knew he was smart enough to know that their gentle ‘threats’ weren’t watertight. But they'd also had an instinct that he knew he’d made a mistake with Harry and Louis, that he was looking for a way out. Hopefully they’d provided him with that.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly, nothing of note until Gemma came knocking on Louis’ door.

Walking into the suite, staring at all four of them with big eyes, and that same smug look she’d been wearing since their mum’s had arrived. ‘You lot are not going to believe this.' Handing the bouquet of flowers and single sheet of paper to Harry, he read it out loud.

_‘Louis & Harry, I am lucky to be in love with a man that is a much better person than I am. And you are blessed with mother’s who remind me of my own - strong, fierce, clever, perceptive and wise. Let’s call it even. And I’m sorry. Simon.’ _


	13. Chapter 13

‘Oh my god! Oh my god, I can’t believe it!!’ Harry had long since dropped both the flowers and the note on the floor in shock, and was now bouncing up and down, holding Louis to his chest, kissing the top of his head, not sure what to do with himself, surprise and pure joy threatening to overwhelm him.

Louis for his part wasn’t much better, tears rolling down his cheeks soaking into Harry’s jumper, grinning so hard his face was aching, bouncing along with Harry, feeling so light, so free, sure they could up and fly away with all the love and energy bursting out of them. Trying to put it into words, all he could come up with was a very eloquent, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’

Breaking apart slightly, looking into each other’s teary eyes, they met in a kiss, laughing into it, not able to help themselves, giddy, and giggling throughout, just enjoying a well overdue moment of unbridled happiness.

Standing, foreheads pressed together, noses touching, breathing into each other’s wide smiles, it was a quiet clicking sound that drew them out of the moment. Turning to look in the direction of the sound, cheeks squashed together, staying close, they were met by the sight of both of their mum’s and Gemma crowded around Gemma’s phone taking photo after photo. Clearing his throat, Harry waited, still smiling. Dragging themselves away from the phone, and looking up guiltily in unison, Gemma took one for the team and was the first to speak, ‘What? You were cute! And it’s an important moment. Just wanted to capture it for posterity. For my future nieces and nephews. I take my future aunty responsibilities very seriously!’

‘Yes boys, let us enjoy this moment will you! Now’s not the time to be shy. We’re happy for you. So happy.’ Jay chipped in, backing Gemma up.

And really what could they say to that. Still half daydreaming after Gemma’s allusion to future children, and floating from the good news they’d received, they simply pulled the three most important women in their lives to them and held them for a long time, in a hug they hoped conveyed just how grateful they were to them.

…

‘I wonder what he meant by “Let’s call it even”, it wasn’t very specific was it?’ Harry mused. An hour or so had passed, and the giddy heights of earlier had softened into a time to reflect and consider how things might change.

Louis smiled up at him from his place in Harry’s lap, ‘Well love, it’s got to be something good, we’ll find out soon enough I’m sure. Let’s just enjoy it for now yeah?’ And with that he placed a hand on the nape of Harry’s neck and pulled him down for a gentle, hopeful kiss.

Coming in from the kitchen with a tray full of teas, Anne handed Harry his and squeezed his shoulder, ‘Louis’ right lovely, enjoy it for what it is for now, something good, a step in the right direction. We can speak to Simon again before we fly home and work out all the details.

‘Tonight though, tonight I think we should go out for a meal and celebrate. Do you know anywhere nice near here?’

Sharing a look and a unsaid thought, Louis was the one to reply, ‘We know just the place Anne, you’ll love it. But first there are a couple of people we need to talk to. Want the whole gang at our celebration after all.’

…

Zayn’s phone buzzed in his pocket interrupting him from the game of Zelda he’d been engrossed in. Reading Louis’ text and shooting him a quick reply, he finished the level he was on and pulled on the top he’d slung across the back of the sofa.

A few minutes later a knock at the door, and an ‘Oi Malik, let us in’, signalled Louis’ arrival.

Opening the door and being greeted by a massive bear hug, Zayn could tell immediately that something was different with his friend. There was a sparkle in his eyes and a bounce in his step that hadn’t been there before. Breaking apart and giving Louis a playful punch to the arm, Louis pulled him into a headlock in revenge and walked them into Zayn’s suite like that, kicking the door closed behind him. ‘Oi, Tommo, get off, do you want to stay or not? I’ll be kicking you pretty arse out at this rate!’

‘Well that’s not very nice is it…’ brushing himself down and sitting on the largest sofa, Louis carried on, ‘...not very nice at all, especially seeing as I’ve come to invite you to a party. A celebration actually.’

Sitting across from him, intrigue written all over his face, Zayn smiled as he spoke, ‘Lou, I did say your arse was pretty didn’t I. And what’s this party all about then? What are we celebrating? Oh shit, don’t tell me I forgot someone else’s birthday, shit, I really need to get a diary or something…’

Cutting in, and putting his friend out of his misery, Louis reached over and took Zayn’s hand before speaking, ‘Ok, so I’m saying in advance, no pressure, but you need to be happy for me. Well for us actually. And you’re not allowed to be mad that we didn’t tell you earlier, we would’ve, but it was really complicated…’

‘Oh come on Lou, spit it out, I promise I’ll be happy and not mad at you. I swear on my Marvel collection, so you know I’m not messing!’

Feeling sufficiently reassured, Louis carried on, getting it all out in a rush, ‘Well, ok, so I know it will come as a big shock, but me and Harry are together, like _together_ together, like boyfriends. Have been for a few weeks now, but we’ve loved each other for a hell of a lot longer.

‘Liam’s known for a while, but we swore him to secrecy, so don’t be mad at him. We just needed to sort things with Simon before too many people found out. And things are sorted with him now. So here I am telling you. And sorry. But we’re having a party to celebrate tonight. Please come? And sorry again, really.’

Zayn was quiet for a minute or two, looking down in his lap, not meeting Louis’ gaze. Finally after what felt like an age, he looked up, grinning, and leant forward, ruffling Louis’ hair and squeezing his shoulder, ‘Mate, you’re an idiot, I’ve known for ages. You and Harry sneaking off during rehearsals, spending all your free time holed up in your hotel rooms, not exactly subtle like. It’s cool though, I get why you couldn’t say, of course I do. And I am happy for you guys, always knew you’d end up properly together in the end. And I’d love to celebrate with you, where we going?’

And in a typically laid-back way that was all Zayn, that was the topic done and dusted, any remaining awkwardness dissolved with an Xbox controller thrown in Louis’ direction, along with nonchalant mutterings of a Fifa session.

…

Harry was a nervous wreck making his way to Niall’s room, he’d texted him saying that they needed to talk, and realised halfway there that it had probably sounded a lot more ominous than he’d intended. But he did feel genuinely guilty for keeping all of this from Niall, they were close, and he’d always been there in the past when Harry needed to talk.

He sent Louis a quick text on the way, asking how it’d gone with Zayn, and letting him know that he’d messed things up with Niall before he’d even spoken to him. Pacing back and forth outside his hotel room for a while, he could hear music through the door, could hear Niall singing along. Smiling to himself and finally summoning up the courage to knock on the door, it took just a couple of seconds for the door to swing open, and to find himself pulled through it and into a massive hug.

Still pressed to Niall’s chest, the other boy showing no signs of releasing him, Harry let out a muffled ‘Hi Niall’ as best he could. Still hugging him, and pressing small kisses to the top of his head, Niall simply said, smile in his voice, ‘I know. And I’m so happy for you both. And yes, count me in on the party!’

Breaking out of the hug, and looking at him, bewildered. Harry just asked a confused, ‘How?’.

Dragging them both over to the kitchen, pushing Harry onto a stool and passing him a Coke, Niall closed the fridge and perched on a stool himself. Taking a swig of drink, and burping as he spoke, ‘Louis, obviously. Texted me just now. Said you were worried about telling me. I was relieved tell you the truth, after your “we need to talk” text I thought you were breaking up with me - as a friend like!’

Harry sighed, relief palpable, ‘Wow ok, well yeah, not sure what Louis told you, but we’re properly together, and we love each other. We’re going out for dinner tonight to celebrate getting things sorted out with Simon. Please come, really want everyone there?’

Slurping his drink again, Niall sounded fond as he spoke, ‘Harry, I already said, count me in on the party! I’m really happy for both of you, and I don’t mind at all that you didn’t tell me before, knowing you it was for a good reason.’

Harry spent the next couple of hours telling Niall all about those reasons, blow by painful blow. By the end of it, Niall was in tears, wrapped around Harry like a koala, ‘You two are so strong Harry, my god, you two are going to be together forever and have curly haired, blue-eyed babies aren’t you?’

Managing to calm Niall down with the promise of him being godfather to all of their imaginary future children, Harry gave him one last tight hug before making his way back to his room to get ready for whatever the evening had in store.

…

Getting back and finding Louis there, and his mum and Gemma very much not, was a bit of a surprise.

Louis simply stood and walked over to him, meeting him in the middle of the lounge area. ‘I’m sorry about telling Niall, I hope you didn’t feel like I took that away from you? You just sounded really anxious in your text and I wanted to help.’ Looking up at him earnestly, Harry kissed his worries away, softly pressing their lips together, and smoothing his tongue against Louis’ teeth as he parted his lips for him, gently running his tongue across the roof of Louis’ mouth and sucking at his lower lip. Breaking apart, looking softly into Louis’ eyes, he replied, full of love, ‘I didn’t mind at all Lou, but thank you for checking, that’s really sweet of you, that you cared enough to do that.

‘Niall was actually really upset for us when I talked him through the last few months. Really upset. In fact the only way I could get him smiling again was to promise he could be godfather.’

‘It’s a bit late in the day for you to get Christened isn’t it Curly’, Louis said affectionately.

Twisting playfully out of Louis’ arms and skipping off in the direction of the bathroom, Harry called over his shoulder, ‘To our imaginary future children I meant silly!’

Slack-jawed and unexpectedly turned on by that very domestic image, Louis scampered after him in the direction of the shower he could hear running.

Harry was naked and in the shower, hot water beating down on him, by the time Louis got there.

Stepping out of his shoes and clothes in a hurry, stopping only to frantically ask where Gemma and Anne were, Harry just smiled, beckoning Louis to join him. ‘They’ve gone out, said they won’t be back for an hour, you can lock the door anyway if you want to.’

Making quick work of stripping off the rest of his clothes, and locking the bathroom door, Louis stepped into the steamy shower, greeted by Harry, dripping wet, fully hard and stroking himself.

Running his hands over Harry’s wet skin, enjoying the feel of every inch of him under his hands, he groaned, dropping his head back against the tiled wall as Harry took hold of him. ‘Lou, I want you to fuck me so badly but we don’t have time. Want to see you come, going to make us come together.’

‘Fuck yes’, Louis managed to grit out, struggling to concentrate on anything other than the perfect slip and slide of Harry’s hand on his cock. Dropping his head on Harry’s shoulder, sucking and nibbling at the soft skin, he revelled in the feel of every twist, every movement. Shifting under him, Harry pushed his hips together, gripping both of their cocks in one hand.

Feeling Harry flush against him like this, feeling their cocks pressed together, Harry working them both over at the same time made Louis feel cared for in the best possible way. Holding on to Harry’s shoulders for dear life, his hips stuttered forward, legs feeling wobbly as the pace increased. They were both moaning loudly, noise echoing around them, gasping and panting into the steamy room. ‘Lou, I’m close, want to see you come, want to come together…’ And teetering on the very edge, hanging on by a solitary thread, he felt Harry’s hand grip his hip, and move to kneed at the fleshy fullness of his arse, ‘Harry please, need you to touch me…’ shifting closer still, pressed together from lips to toes, Harry reached around, and brushed once, lightly at Louis’ hole. And that was enough, enough to send him crashing, stuttering and shaking, pulsing hot and wet, biting at Harry’s shoulder without thinking. Harry came then too, shuddering and quaking, moaning loudly, head dropping forward, trembling in Louis’ arms.

Sliding on to the floor, tangled up together in the best kind of mess, Harry looked at Louis through beautiful, blissed out eyes. ‘Have we got time for a nap Lou, not sure I’ll make it through dinner otherwise.’ Stepping out of the shower, wrapping them both in soft towels, Louis led Harry out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, guiding him down gently on to the bed, drying him off carefully, before nestling in behind him, pulling the duvet up to cover them in warmth, sure that one of the women in the lives would wake them.

...

Walking into the small, familiar diner, Harry and Louis were greeted by the owners like the regulars they had become, fierce hugs and lots of kisses. ‘Come here often do you?’ Liam teased, ‘On date night?’ Harry just blushed, tucking himself into the crook of Louis’ neck, ‘Something like that,’ Louis smiled.

Settled at their table, the eight of them drew a few interested looks from the other diners. It was no accident that the owners had given them the most secluded table, away from the majority of prying eyes, and they were grateful for it. The meal passed by in a happy blur of good food, good conversation and good company. Trying not to be in their own little world too much, Louis and Harry sat opposite each other, with Niall and Liam at their sides.

After a couple of glasses of wine, Harry couldn’t help himself, cuddling up to Liam, resting his head on his shoulder, ‘Thanks for not telling the others Liam, we really love you for it, just had to do it in our own time. Sorry if it made things awkward for you.’ Liam just nodded, and gripped hold of Harry’s hand, ‘Anytime mate, you know I love the both of you. And it wasn’t my news to share. I respect that you and Louis needed to do things your way. And I’m glad I could help.’ Planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek, Harry shared a look with Louis across the table, tangling their feet together, enjoying being with the people they cared most about in the world.

‘So Niall, godfather duties then, eh?’ Louis laughed jokingly. ‘So Harry told you about that then,’ Niall replied, sounding a little embarrassed, ‘Was in a right state after he told me everything you two had been through. Pretty sure he just said it to cheer me up. I would be totally up for it though.’ It was Louis’ turn to get emotional then, ‘Niall, we love you, and you’ve always been such a good friend to both of us. I know you’ll be our biggest supporter, and, seriously, when the time comes, you will have first dibs, I promise.’ And Niall was crying again now, no doubt helped along by the red wine he’d been drinking, but happy tears this time around, ‘Louis, you two give me so much hope, honest to God, I’d be honoured, and I’m going to hold you to it.’ Pulling Louis into a fierce hug, holding on to him for dear life, Harry caught Louis’ eye over Niall’s shoulder, mouthing, concerned ‘What did you do?’, Louis shrugging in Niall’s arms, whispered back, ‘I’ll tell you later love.’

They were broken out of their chatter by the sound of glass clinking. Looking to the head of the table, they saw Jay and Anne standing, glasses raised, looking proud and brimming with emotion. Looking around and seeing that they were out of view, tables nearest them empty now, Jay began,

‘Louis, my beautiful, brave, loyal boy. I know I tell you this all the time, but I don’t think I’ve ever meant it more than now, I love you and I am so, so proud of you. Life’s not always easy, in fact it’s full of challenges. But it’s how you face up to those challenges, and who you can trust to lean on for support that matters. And looking around this table now, I can see, even when I’m thousands of miles away from you, that you’re in safe hands. You’re surrounded by people who you can trust and who love you just as much as I do. And I am so, so happy that you’ve found your person. That you’ve found your Harry.’ Sitting back down, and wiping away the tears threatening to fall, Jay looked to Harry and Louis, both in tears themselves and gave them a watery smile and a thumbs up.

It was Anne’s turn now, ‘Harry, you’re my baby, you know you are, and no matter how grown up you get, you always will be. You might be taller and bigger than me now, but I will always be here to support you, to defend you when you’re right, and tell you when you’re wrong. I am so proud of the man you’ve grown into. You’re brave and strong, but you’re tender and open too. Please don’t even change. I know that being so open with your heart means you can get hurt, but it also means that people get to see, and get to love, the real you. There are too many people that shy away from the really difficult things, for fear of getting hurt. But you, you’ve tackled them head first, and along the way you’ve got yourself some of the best friends anyone could hope for. And most of all, you’ve found your person too. Your Louis.’

‘To Harry and Louis’, Jay and Anne said in unison, joined by the rest of the boys and Gemma now, raising their glasses, looking at them with such love in their eyes that all Harry and Louis could do was grip each other’s hands across the table and hold on tight, letting the tidal wave of love and affection wash over them.

...

Tucked up in bed, cradled safely in Louis’ arms, Harry finally had a chance to ask, ‘Lou, what did you say to Niall at the meal? He looked weird, like he was crying, but he was happy about it.’

Suddenly a little embarrassed, Louis pressed his face into Harry’s back, muffling the words as they came out, ‘I said he’d get first dibs on being godfather to our future children. I guess he liked the idea.’ He stopped talking then, pushing himself into Harry, trying to hide himself away, worried he’d gone too far.

Squeezing Louis’ hand that was resting on his stomach, and lifting it to place a gentle kiss to his palm, Harry smiled, not caring if they were getting way ahead of themselves, ‘Well, I guess I like that idea too.’

...


	14. Chapter 14

 

A soft knock at the bedroom door, and a quiet ‘Harry, Louis, there’s tea out here for you. Wake up lovelies, we’ve got a busy day,’ from Jay, signalled the start of a new day. And not just any day. The day where they’d finally find out what Simon’s ‘Let’s call it even’ meant exactly.

‘Don’t want to get up Lou, too cosy', and Harry shuffled further back into Louis’ arms as he spoke, voice rough from too much sleep. Humming in agreement, and mouthing soft kisses to the nape of Harry’s neck, Louis held him more tightly, both dozing in the warmth of the cocoon they’d created during the night.  

The door cracked open just a fraction this time, and Jay, sounding a little exasperated spoke again, ‘Come on boys, I’ve made breakfast,’ and as if she could read their minds, ‘No stalling, it’s going to be fine, really it is.’

Turning sleepily in Louis’ arms, and planting a lazy kiss to his lips, Harry yawned, setting them both off, ‘Suppose we’d better get up Lou, wake up a bit and then go and talk to Simon.’ And sharing a look of hope and uncertainty, trying to hold on to the positivity of the days before, they dragged each other up and out of bed, padding into the kitchen.

‘Oh boys, stay like that, I’ve got to get a picture,’ And they looked like a pair of grumpy kittens, sleep rumpled, hair all over the place, rubbing their eyes as Anne rummaged in her bag for her phone. ‘Mum please…’ Harry grumbled to no avail, Anne simply rolling her eyes at them and snapping a quick photo, arms around each other, looking like they’d much rather be back in bed. ‘There done, that wasn’t such an ordeal was it? Now quick, sit down and have some breakfast, we need to be at Simon’s in an hour,’ and she placed plates of buttered toast in front of them as she spoke.

Tea having made them feel slightly more human, legs tangled together under the dining room table, Jay broke them out of their little bubble. ‘You can’t go looking like that, either of you, look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. Quickly, go and have a shower, the both of you.’ Sharing a cheeky look, Louis taking Harry’s hand, guiding him in the direction of the bathroom, with a ‘Whatever you say mum, and seeing as we have to be so quick, we’ll save time and have one together,’ running off before either of their mum’s could say anything, they reached the bathroom giggling and breathless.

…

All four of them standing outside that now familiar door, the nameplate and motto didn’t seem quite so ominous this time around. Jay knocked, and they were greeted almost instantly by Simon himself, opening the door and beckoning them in with a, ‘Morning all, come on in, this will be quick, I promise.’

Clustered on one side of the desk, Simon on the other, offers of tea and coffee politely declined, Anne was the first to speak. ‘Thank you for the flowers Simon, they were beautiful, a lovely gesture of you. But we have to confess, we loved the note you sent with them even more.’

Pausing for a moment, Simon smiled and leant back in his chair looking relaxed. ‘It was my pleasure, and I meant every word. And I am sorry if this sounds overly formal, but I need your word, all of you, that the details of the conversation we have now won’t go any further. This is something we can agree between ourselves, and I need it to stay that way.’

Seeing the serious faces across from him, all nodding and solemnly agreeing to keep the conversation within the four walls of his temporary office, he continued. ‘Look, I’m not going to apologise and say I was wrong, so if that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll be waiting a long time. But I will accept that sometimes things change, and I would be foolish ignore that. I’ve been in the business a very long time, and had an awful lot of success, but the landscape we’re working in is a very than it was a couple of years ago, even a year ago. And that’s why I’m willing to change things.

‘I’ve come to realise that these days, fans aren’t as interested in wanting their idols to fall in love with them. Looking out into the crowd at the last show, the vast majority of the signs and banners I saw were about the friendships and bonds between you guys. We’d be missing a trick if we didn’t let them see the friendship between the two of you.’

Louis butted in then, taking a chance as Simon paused for breath, ‘There’s more than a friendship between Harry and I though. We love each other. So what does this mean, how will it work?’

Looking amused by Louis’ eagerness to get to the point, Simon smiled as he carried on speaking, ‘Well to be honest, the ball’s in your court. I know you don’t want to come out at the moment, and that’s something we’ll have to discuss again, further down the line. But for now, go back to how you were, do what you do. The fans love it, and it’s clearly good for business, so you won’t hear me complaining.

‘Just try not to be too obvious. It’s fine for the fans to think what they want to, they never really stopped anyway. But we don’t want the media getting hold of it. Don’t want them pushing you into anything you’re not ready for. But otherwise, just trust your own judgement.

Looking at the stunned faces across from him, Simon continued, ‘And these,’ he said, pointing at their contracts, printed out on his desk, ‘I’ll get them drawn up again, make some amends to take into account your new circumstances. I’ll send them to your lawyers to look over and make sure you’re happy with them.’

Voice trembling slightly with emotion, Harry spoke for the first time, ‘So when does this start? Once we’ve signed our new contracts? That’ll take a while, so when we’re back in the UK?’

And pushing his chair back, standing now, Simon looked down at them with a glint in his eye, ‘No, this starts now, no point prolonging it. Let’s give the fans what they want. The contracts are just a formality. Any questions?’ And Louis and Harry had hundreds, but right then, the only and most important things they could hang on to were that they could be themselves, and that Simon trusted their judgement to know what the boundaries needed to be.

They wrapped up the meeting, with Simon reminding them once again to keep the conversation between the four of them, and telling Anne and Jay to make the most of the LA sunshine before flying back to the UK. Louis and Harry stayed silent, not daring to speak in case they accidentally messed something up.

Closing the door behind them, walking in silence through the maze of corridors, out into the mid-morning heat, finally feeling it was safe to speak, Louis asked dumbfounded, ‘What the hell just happened? How did that happen?’’

Giddy smiles were quickly replaced by Jay and Anne pulling their boys into a tight embrace, holding them close, with words of wisdom spoken, ‘Just enjoy it boys, you deserve it, enjoy it, enjoy being yourselves.’

…

That night brought another LA gig, Anne and Jay in the friends and family area, ready to proudly support their boys.

The build-up to the show flowed as usual, hair, makeup, sound checks, but this time Harry and Louis shared as many looks as they liked during rehearsals, joked and chatted backstage, even with Simon in their line of sight. No ice cold glares headed their way, just a small smile and nod of the head, acknowledging but not judging.

And before curtain up, their usual pre-show huddle remained a constant. But this time it was followed by a group hug, and an especially meaningful hug between just Harry and Louis, knowing this moment marked the start of a brand new era for them.

Breaking apart, Niall, Liam and Zayn were looking at them with a mixture of joy and pride on their faces. ‘You two,’ Niall started, ‘This is brilliant, so happy for you.’ And before he could get too emotional, Liam took over, ‘I don’t know exactly what happened with Simon, but whatever happened, I’m glad. It’s going to be just like old times.’ And not to be left out, Zayn offered up a heartfelt, ‘It’s going to be sick, good to have you back.’

Harry’s face was aching he’d been smiling so much, it’d been a little bit stilted to start with, getting the banter to flow naturally. Going to interact with Louis when he’d become so trained not to. But just a couple of songs in, and it was as if the distance had never happened. Bouncing around stage, not caring if they accidentally bumped into each other. Giving each other high fives and ruffling each other’s hair whenever the opportunity arose.

And the crowd. They loved it. Every time Harry and Louis so much as touched or smiled at each other, they went wild, filling the arena with deafening screams. It was a lot to take in, but in the best possible way.

By the time they came to final bows, Harry stood next to Louis, arms linked with the other boys, crowd erupting in an earsplitting cheer, they spotted their mum’s in the crowd, Simon just behind them, all beaming, looking like they could light up the arena all on their own.

…

Saying goodbye to their mum’s had been an emotional and teary affair, but life back in the UK was calling. Harry promised to look after Louis during a quiet moment with Jay. And likewise, Louis promised Anne that making Harry happy was his number one priority. With those reassurances, lots of hugs, and lots of tears, Anne and Jay boarded their flight back home, safe in the knowledge that their boys were in the best possible hands.

Life on the road picked up pace. No longer based in the LA hotel but back on the tour bus, moving from city to city. The confines of the bus could be claustrophobic at times, but together, nestled in a small bunk night after night Harry and Louis had never felt happier.

And in those quiet moments, when they had time to breath, they also took the time to make the most of their new-found freedoms. The first time they did it, both of their phones crashed immediately. ‘Harry, we actually did it, we broke the internet!’ Louis laughed, squashed next to Harry on the small sofa on the bus, looking at both of their phone screens. Finally pinging back to life, they giggled looking at the replies.

All they’d done was send a selfie of the two of them with the caption ‘See ya later LA! See you soon San Diego!’ But that was enough. Their mentions a combination of unintelligible key smashes, hundreds of ‘We love you Larry’ messages, and various versions of ‘Welcome back lovelies’ from the more switched on fans. It was tiny really in the grand scheme of things, but to them, it meant the world. ‘Lou, they really love us don’t they? They love seeing us together,’ Harry sounded shocked but relieved, pulling Louis into a passionate kiss, phones falling to the floor between them, buoyed by the support they'd seen with their own eyes.

....

Looking out into the crowd towards the end of the US dates, Harry couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Doing a double-take, and needing to get a second opinion, make sure he wasn’t imagining it, he beckoned Louis off stage, letting the other boys amuse the crowd with chatter and silly stories. Looking at Louis with big eyes, hands trembling, he asked, hoping, ‘Lou, when you go back out there, have a proper look at the signs, at the flags. I’m telling you, I’m covered in goosebumps, but I need you to look as well, make sure I’m not seeing things.’ And with a bemused, ‘Ok Curly, but what am I looking for exactly?’ and a peck on the lips from Harry, they bounced back out on stage.

And looking now, really looking, Louis could see it too, and every hair on his body stood on end. Dotted around the vast arena, amongst the sea of more traditional fan posters were rainbow flags, flying high, flying proud.

...

And that was just the beginning. Every city in the US they performed at, fans came with rainbow flags of various shapes and sizes, and posters carrying messages that were clearly for them. And each and every time Harry or Louis saw them they wanted to cry. Happy tears, proud of their fans for being confident in themselves, but also unbelievably grateful for the unspoken support they were giving them.

Simon had told them to trust their own judgement, so they did. And their judgement told them to thank these fans. Let them know how grateful they were. So every time they saw a rainbow flag in the crowd, they’d make a special effort to wave, blow a kiss and let that particular fan know that they’d seen them. That they appreciated them. And every time they saw a sign saying ‘Is it so wrong, that he makes me strong’ they’d shoot a subtle wink or kiss in their direction too. They were probably teetering on the edge of the boundaries Simon was comfortable with, but they’d carry on unless they were told otherwise.

And they were never told otherwise.

…

US dates finally over, thousands of miles up in the air, making their way back to the UK, Louis took just a moment, snuggled up against Harry under a blanket, to really appreciate how much everything had changed. All in the space of a couple of months. Flying out to the US he’d be determined, but undoubtedly unhappy. Now though, now he felt like he could do anything with Harry by his side.

Dozing for most of the flight, free drinks making them sleepy, they finally woke up with Gemma poking at them with a straw she’d fished out of one of their drinks. ‘Guys, put your seat belts on, we’re landing. Home sweet home and all!’ Looking at each other, bleary-eyed and slightly tipsy, they laughed into a kiss, buckling their seat belts ready to be back home.

…

Back in the UK, having entirely free time was a luxury they weren’t used to. Harry had spent the first couple of days at home getting spoiled by his mum. And even though Louis had his own place, he too, had given in to Jay’s gentle nagging and returned home, greeted by a gang of sister’s who’d grown up an awful lot while he’d been away.

Shooting a quick text to Harry, letting him know he’d be back at his own place the next day, and not above begging, asking if Harry wanted to come and join him for the night, before the UK dates started up.

The reply came through in an instant, ‘Try and stop me Lou, I miss you xx’ And smiling fondly at his phone, realising it was the longest they’d spent apart in months, Louis could agree that he’d missed Harry too. A lot.

That evening, catching up with his mum, Louis finally remembered to ask about the new contracts, ‘Have you had a chance to look at them yet mum? Anything much changed?’ And Jay put her tea down then, giving Louis her full attention. ‘I have, and our lawyer’s looked at it too. We were both pleasantly surprised actually, how much had changed, how generous they’d been. They’ve even built in a draft section for us to look at in the future when you and Harry want to make your relationship public.’

And even though Simon had said as much back in LA, hearing that it was there in black and white, written into their contacts made Louis take a deep steadying breath, trying to calm himself down. ‘So he meant what he said, that for now we are free to do pretty much what we want? Just nothing that would have the press on our backs?’

‘That’s right love, and they’ve even built in a section that references showing support for the LGBT community. Basically in contract talk, it means you can carry on acknowledging the flags and banners in the crowd, retweeting posts on social media, that sort of thing. So yes, he was true to his word.’ Anne stopped talking then, going back to her now lukewarm tea.

Suddenly finding herself with a lap full of her son, she looked at him smiling, ‘What’s this all about love?’, and pressing his head into her hair, Louis spoke, filled to the bring with emotion. ‘Just thank you, thank you so much. I don’t know how much more Harry and I would’ve been able to take. If it wasn’t for you, Anne and Gemma, I’m not sure where we’d be right now. I love you mum, so much.’

‘You too love, you too. And that’s what family's for isn’t it.’

…

Back at his own house, Louis paced anxiously, counting down the minutes until Harry would get there. The place was spotless, cleaning lady having come while he was away. And the fridge and cupboard were stocked, so they didn’t have to even worry about leaving the house. Sitting for a minute, then getting tetchy and standing and pacing again, Louis jumped when the security buzzer went off. Seeing Harry on the little screen, he smiled, lifting the receiver and buzzing him in.

Standing in the lift on the way up to Louis’ floor, Harry felt butterflies making themselves known in his stomach. Trying to calm himself, and finally reaching Louis’ floor, the doors opened to Louis standing on the other side, bouncing from foot to foot, obviously just as keen to see him.

Dropping his bags, and taking a single stride toward, Harry crashed their lips together in a searing kissing. Delving his tongue into Louis’ mouth, they stood there wrapped up in each other, gasping and panting as the intensity of the kiss built. ‘God Harry, missed you so fucking much,’ Louis managed to get out between kisses, ‘Same, fuck, same Lou. Need you, want to please you.’

Breaking apart with a look of passion, bordering on desperation in both of their eyes, Louis grabbed Harry’s bags, and his hand, and dragged him towards the apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot as he went.

Grabbing Harry again, and starting to unbutton his shirt, Louis was surprised when he found his hands being knocked gently away. A soft hand lifting his chin, meeting Harry’s gaze, the pure love he saw in his eyes was overwhelming. ‘Lou, I just want to look after you. Why don’t you jump in the shower while I unpack. Then we can pick up where we left off.’

Content but a little confused, Louis asked, ‘Curly, you trying to tell me I smell or something?' And as he said it, Harry cupped his face in his hands, kissing him again, and whispering in his ear, ‘Of course not, but like I said, I want to look after you,’ and the tender squeeze at Louis’ arse as he said it, left him in no doubt of where this was headed.

…

‘Want to eat you out Lou, want to taste you, make you come with my tongue, can I?’ And Louis nearly laughed, he’d never been surer of anything, ‘Fuck yes, of course.’

Gently placing Louis face down on the bed, with a pillow under his hips, Harry took a moment to appreciate the sight before him. He’d seen Louis naked countless times now, but he never got over how stunning he was, stripped bare, allowing himself to be vulnerable.  

‘Lou, you’re so gorgeous, so lovely,’ and Louis squirmed under the praise, pressing his hips into the sheets beneath him. ‘Harry please, need you.’ Feeling a renewed sense of purpose, determined to make Louis fall apart, wreck him slowly, piece by piece, Harry stripped out of his clothes and climbed on to the bed, parting Louis’ legs to fit between them.

Smoothing his hands over each of Louis’ delicate feet, he took each toe into his mouth in turn, sucking and nibbling at them, moving up he gently caressed his ankles, placing light kisses to each perfect ankle bone, he slowly moved on massaging and kneading his calf muscles, hearing Louis groan quietly at the head of the bed. Moving up further he paused, licking and kissing at the soft skin behind each knee, moving on to massage Louis’ muscled thighs, biting the soft flesh where his thighs met his arse, causing Louis to grind down and part his legs more widely.

Finally he reached Louis’ fleshy arse, massaging each cheek, grabbing at the soft skin, he placed kisses and gentle bites all over. Broken out of his reverie by a soft, needy, ‘Harry, please…’ he looked up to Louis who was now twisted, looking over his shoulder, hair a mess and eyes wild, ‘Please Harry, fuck…’ Kissing at the base of his spine one final time, he parted Louis arse cheeks and licked a light stripe all the way from Louis’ balls to his hole. Just that one move had Louis groaning and sighing. Confidence boosted, Harry went for it then, licking at Louis’s rim, circling and laving over his hole. ‘Oh fuck me Harry, that feels…’ Not stopping for a second, whole face now pressed in deep, he carried on circling and massaging with his tongue. Feeling Louis’ muscles start to relax under him he pressed in then gently, but with enough pressure to get Louis to give under him. Pushing in more deeply, feeling his tongue push past the tight ring of muscle, he carried on determined. Fully fucking Louis with his tongue now, he could feel heat surrounding him. Could feel that he was rock hard too, cock pressed against his stomach as he lay at the foot of the bed. ‘Oh fuck Harry, your fucking tongue, oh…’ and Louis’ trailed off into a loud moan as Harry pressed a finger in alongside his tongue. Looking up, not taking his tongue or finger out, he could see Louis’ hands, one gripping at the headboard, knuckles white, one frantically pulling at his own hair. He was wrecked, falling to pieces on Harry’s tongue. Pushing his finger in more deeply, feeling and finding the bundle of nerves he was looking for, he stroked and pressed down. ‘Oh my god, oh my god, Harry, fuck…’ and that was it, broken to pieces, Harry fucking in and out of his arse with his tongue, Louis seized up tight and came in a long silent cry, shaking and trembling, cock untouched. With Louis tensing around his tongue, thighs threatening to crush him, Harry ground down on to the bed once before coming himself, groaning into Louis’ arse, soaking the sheets underneath him.

They both lay there, Harry with his head resting on Louis’ thigh, Louis still gripping the headboard, frozen in place. Finally Louis starting moving, gently turning over and beckoning Harry up to him. Spooning on the damp sheets, Louis, kissing the back of Harry’s neck, drawing lazy circles on his stomach, spoke first, ‘Harry, I can’t believe you, that was incredible. You know I’ve never come untouched before? You and your fucking tongue, you amaze me.’

Laughing quietly, Harry just smiled as he said, ‘You’re very welcome love, think we’ve found a new thing we both quite like. Just seeing you falling apart, fuck that was hot, wish you could’ve seen yourself.’

…

The UK gigs were something else. It was always special performing in the UK, especially in any of their home towns. But there was a new feeling of excitement this time around. London, Manchester, Glasgow, Cardiff, Dublin, no matter where they went it was special in it’s own unique way. But one thing was constant. The presence each time without fail, of more and more rainbow flags, more and more supportive signs directed at Harry and Louis. And each and every time, without fail, they would acknowledge them in whatever way they could. Delighted by them, boosted by them, feeling loved through them. And after the shows they’d go and Twitter, and see their mentions filled with fans thanking them, telling them how accepted it had made them feel. It was perfect.

Travelling between the UK shows was easier, the distances between venues that much smaller, meaning they were playing gigs most nights, the UK dates flying by in a blink of an eye. Before they knew it, it was the last date of the UK tour.

Sheffield. Louis’ home gig.

‘Let’s make this one special shall we lads,’ Louis piped up during their huddle, ‘For purely selfish reasons you understand, seeing as it my home gig and all!’ Laughing and teasing him, they got into position ready for the lights to go up.

The atmosphere was electric from the very first note of the very first song. The crowd was unbelievably loud, cheering all of their solos, going ballistic every time Louis and Harry interacted. Sharing adrenaline-filled looks, the boys bounced off of the crowd, soaking the atmosphere up and basking in it.

Looking out into the crowd during a slower song, it was an absolute sea of rainbows. Flags of course, but where there were normally a few dotted amongst the many others, this show the rainbows were outweighing the other signs. And Harry and Louis could also see other gestures too. Rainbow wristbands and headbands on some of the fans nearest the stage, and those same fans were smiling at them, support and love shining through.

Concentrating on the rest of the show, knowing their friends and family were all there lifted their spirits to even greater heights. Each going the edge of the stage nearest the family and friends areas and waving and blowing kisses to their loved ones. It was truly special, something they’d never forget.

Finally the encore came, with the crowd finding an even louder voice.

Giving their very all to the end, not wanting to leave the stage with a scrap of energy left, they belted out the final song, rousing voices to the very last note.

And then came their final bows, going to each corner of the stage in turn, shouting thank you's, blowing kisses and waving.

Coming back to the centre, Louis made eye contact with a blonde girl in the front row, bright pink tips to her hair, rainbow headband and a huge rainbow flag. An unspoken moment passed between them, nodding to each other. And with the universe on their side, the flag gracefully flew through the air, ending up in Louis’ arms.

In a moment of absolutely bravery, Louis unfurled the flag, pulled Harry towards him and wrapped them in it. Harry looked at him, with shock and awe on his face. And deciding to go big or go home, Harry lifted the flag higher to cover their faces, looking to the crowd like he was just waving it, and placed the gentlest kiss to Louis’ cheek, in the middle of an arena, surrounded by thousands of people.

The crowd erupted again, each and every person screaming and cheering, chanting their names. Love flooding out of the crowd, support coming crashing towards them. Harry and Louis decided in that very moment that home, home could be anywhere. It was the people that made a place home. And together, with fans supporting them all around the world, home could be anywhere and everywhere.

 

**The End.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've got this far, thank you for reading! I know there is so much fantastic work out there, so I am touched that you took the time to read my story. 
> 
> It's the first fic I've written, other than little ficlets, so it would mean a lot if you could take a minute to drop a comment and let me know what you thought of it - to help me learn for future stories, but also every comment is such a boost and spurs me on to carry on writing. 
> 
> Thanks again, and if you'd like to follow me on tumblr, i'm @lucystarkid - I like to chat, and I get overly familiar far too quickly
> 
> Lucy xx (see what i mean!) 
> 
> .....
> 
> And just because I am a visuals person, you'll find what I was imagining as I wrote the very last lines on the next page.


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you to the lovely @claudiyah for allowing me to use her beautiful artwork.


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